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Parent Emeritus
,Being conned?
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 488319" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>I don't think he's looking at it as conning you. I think he knows/feels like he has a good enough relationship with you that he can tell you- you aren't enabling but you aren't deserting him or trying to take over him. As far as him not telling you right away- well, in his mind, I don't think he feels he has to. For one thing, he has to admit it to himself first and his program peers second. Then, he'll tell the people closest to him. This is a good sign, not a bad sign. Otherwise, it would be you that he was answering to, not himself, higher power, or group program. Really, I think he's got a good chance of getting this- you have an excellent relationship and boundary with your son, in my humble opinion, for these circumstances. My son's situation is a little different but I strive for finding the balance with my son that you established with your son.</p><p></p><p>I am sure it's still painful and hard for you. In the end, I believe with everything in me that your son understands you love him dearly, want what's in his best interest, advocate for him, want him to be his own man and choose his own destiny, will always love him and be there for him, but wouldn't budge an inch to enable him. That is the ideal parent of an adult child, to me. I really admire you for this and as my son reaches legal adulthood, I will look more and more to how you and a few other parents on this board have accomplished that.</p><p></p><p>As far as the immediate situation re Christmas gifts- I think finding that fine line between not 'punishing' him for relapsing by witholding gifts, yet not handing him too much temptation of money or too many gifts would be the best thing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 488319, member: 3699"] I don't think he's looking at it as conning you. I think he knows/feels like he has a good enough relationship with you that he can tell you- you aren't enabling but you aren't deserting him or trying to take over him. As far as him not telling you right away- well, in his mind, I don't think he feels he has to. For one thing, he has to admit it to himself first and his program peers second. Then, he'll tell the people closest to him. This is a good sign, not a bad sign. Otherwise, it would be you that he was answering to, not himself, higher power, or group program. Really, I think he's got a good chance of getting this- you have an excellent relationship and boundary with your son, in my humble opinion, for these circumstances. My son's situation is a little different but I strive for finding the balance with my son that you established with your son. I am sure it's still painful and hard for you. In the end, I believe with everything in me that your son understands you love him dearly, want what's in his best interest, advocate for him, want him to be his own man and choose his own destiny, will always love him and be there for him, but wouldn't budge an inch to enable him. That is the ideal parent of an adult child, to me. I really admire you for this and as my son reaches legal adulthood, I will look more and more to how you and a few other parents on this board have accomplished that. As far as the immediate situation re Christmas gifts- I think finding that fine line between not 'punishing' him for relapsing by witholding gifts, yet not handing him too much temptation of money or too many gifts would be the best thing. [/QUOTE]
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