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Big daddy of a meltdown
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 588334" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>How about looking it from other direction. Do you remember the last 'big daddy of a meltdown', you had yourself? How did that happen?</p><p></p><p>I had last one just a week ago. A trigger was that husband has brought wrong kind of a tool from hardware shop. And very well built, over 100 year old hardwood floor that doesn't want to get undone (at least without harming the pieces.) I did the whole kicking, screaming, crying tantrum, built up the anger by repeating five favourite swearwords as a litany and ended up splitting my toe nail in two when kicking a wall. Okay, that kind of meltdown from grown woman makes absolutely no sense if you think it is just because her husband brought home a hammer that is different size than the one asked or even because the floor is being very resistant to deconstruct (okay, that is not a right word, I think, how do you call it, when you are taking something (like floor) back to the pieces without breaking the pieces?) But when you look a bigger picture; very stressful times with my child, boatloads of rage over people hurting my child horrible way and not even having any shame or regret over it later, guilt over not being able to protect him or even notice what had happened, sleepdeprivation because of violent nightmares over the topic, stressful kitchen reno on top of that etc. it may start to make a little bit of sense. And I too was acting just find before husband brought that wretched hammer, which we already have five identical ones and not a one of the size I would had needed.</p><p></p><p>Now, back to J. He too is having very stressful time. There will be huge changes in his life soon. You are leaving the home he has been living very, very long time (in his timeline), leaving everything familiar to him. While he does know where you are going next, there will be lots of new things also there. And then the uncertainty on there to go after summer. Then there is his personality. He is a little boy who feels very big and whose strongest suit is not the impulse control. Add to that basic stress your current situation is causing a stress over small changes in his daily routines, maybe a blood suger thing and then feeling he isn't heard and not getting something he wants and he does have plenty of reason to have a huge meltdown.</p><p></p><p>Having problems with transitions and change of routine and change in general doesn't mean he would have Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) traits. It means he is a small kid. Maybe little immature for his age, maybe even not that. maybe bit sensitive, but that too can be just part of his temperament. People are different.</p><p></p><p>There is of course very little you can do to underlying stress just now. He will find home there ever you will end up moving, but telling him that doesn't make a difference now. maybe acknowledging and talking about his worries over it, missing your home, village and people there may help a little. maybe creating and enforcing all kinds of small, portable routines would help him feel safer. For example we did an evening prayer with our boys much more for the feeling safe and routine reasons than for any religious reasons. It was a routine, thing that always stayed the same and gave them lots of comfort when they were younger. That kind of thing doesn't need to be much. But just saying good night isn't a special routine, that is good manners. But saying "good night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite and if they do, then take your shoe and knock &#8216;em &#8216;til they're black and blue!" and giving him a peck on the forehead could already be a great (and very portable) comfort routine. I would also emphasize any comfort objects, foods etc. he may have and really create all kinds of small, easy, portable routines that could help to ground him when you travel and wherever you are or decide to build a home to.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 588334, member: 14557"] How about looking it from other direction. Do you remember the last 'big daddy of a meltdown', you had yourself? How did that happen? I had last one just a week ago. A trigger was that husband has brought wrong kind of a tool from hardware shop. And very well built, over 100 year old hardwood floor that doesn't want to get undone (at least without harming the pieces.) I did the whole kicking, screaming, crying tantrum, built up the anger by repeating five favourite swearwords as a litany and ended up splitting my toe nail in two when kicking a wall. Okay, that kind of meltdown from grown woman makes absolutely no sense if you think it is just because her husband brought home a hammer that is different size than the one asked or even because the floor is being very resistant to deconstruct (okay, that is not a right word, I think, how do you call it, when you are taking something (like floor) back to the pieces without breaking the pieces?) But when you look a bigger picture; very stressful times with my child, boatloads of rage over people hurting my child horrible way and not even having any shame or regret over it later, guilt over not being able to protect him or even notice what had happened, sleepdeprivation because of violent nightmares over the topic, stressful kitchen reno on top of that etc. it may start to make a little bit of sense. And I too was acting just find before husband brought that wretched hammer, which we already have five identical ones and not a one of the size I would had needed. Now, back to J. He too is having very stressful time. There will be huge changes in his life soon. You are leaving the home he has been living very, very long time (in his timeline), leaving everything familiar to him. While he does know where you are going next, there will be lots of new things also there. And then the uncertainty on there to go after summer. Then there is his personality. He is a little boy who feels very big and whose strongest suit is not the impulse control. Add to that basic stress your current situation is causing a stress over small changes in his daily routines, maybe a blood suger thing and then feeling he isn't heard and not getting something he wants and he does have plenty of reason to have a huge meltdown. Having problems with transitions and change of routine and change in general doesn't mean he would have Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) traits. It means he is a small kid. Maybe little immature for his age, maybe even not that. maybe bit sensitive, but that too can be just part of his temperament. People are different. There is of course very little you can do to underlying stress just now. He will find home there ever you will end up moving, but telling him that doesn't make a difference now. maybe acknowledging and talking about his worries over it, missing your home, village and people there may help a little. maybe creating and enforcing all kinds of small, portable routines would help him feel safer. For example we did an evening prayer with our boys much more for the feeling safe and routine reasons than for any religious reasons. It was a routine, thing that always stayed the same and gave them lots of comfort when they were younger. That kind of thing doesn't need to be much. But just saying good night isn't a special routine, that is good manners. But saying "good night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite and if they do, then take your shoe and knock ‘em ‘til they're black and blue!" and giving him a peck on the forehead could already be a great (and very portable) comfort routine. I would also emphasize any comfort objects, foods etc. he may have and really create all kinds of small, easy, portable routines that could help to ground him when you travel and wherever you are or decide to build a home to. [/QUOTE]
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