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General Parenting
Bio stole in front of son "He needs to know how to do these things"
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 603705" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Years ago a friend of mine was divorced from a woman who fits the description of your grandson's mother. They had 2 kids, at the time the kids were 10 and 13. My friend was always having to explain and correct the behavior of his ex since she was always lying, cheating, scamming and blaming. He chose to explain how the incident was wrong, as opposed to how the mother was wrong. For instance, in the middle of the night the mother snuck into the neighbors yard and cut down the prize roses the neighbor had been growing for an event she entered each year where her roses were judged,......... these were spectacular roses! The mom just put them in vases in her own home. When he found out about it, he explained to the kids how this neighbor felt about those roses, how important they were to her, the time spent, the love, the contest she waited for, he humanized the neighbor and the significance of the roses without really saying anything about the mom ripping all of them out in the dead of night. Without judging her or making her wrong, he would explain the incident, whatever it was, in terms of right and wrong and how the act would impact a person. The bio mom was on welfare and went to Hawaii a few times a year, she knew how to scam the government, it was a lifestyle, all she knew how to do was lie and cheat. The two kids are in their mid twenties now and they are honorable, moral, upstanding citizens just like their Dad. Nothing like their mother. </p><p></p><p>At 8 years old, your grandson already has the ability to figure out right and wrong. Perhaps if you tell him that you believe how his mother behaved is a choice, but you believe there is a better choice. Maybe explaining to him in a context he can understand, like toys, if he saw another kid in a store be interested in a certain toy and damage that toy to get it cheaper, would he feel that was a good choice to make? What if a lot of people did that, would the toy store owner be able to pay his bills if he never received proper payment for his toys? His store would close, he wouldn't be able to feed his family. The ramifications of that one choice has consequences. Explaining to him that the action taken has results in the world, whatever action we take. That we humans always have the choice to do the right thing or not. That you and your husband decide to do the right thing because of the impact each choice has and how it feels good to do the right thing. Good luck!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 603705, member: 13542"] Years ago a friend of mine was divorced from a woman who fits the description of your grandson's mother. They had 2 kids, at the time the kids were 10 and 13. My friend was always having to explain and correct the behavior of his ex since she was always lying, cheating, scamming and blaming. He chose to explain how the incident was wrong, as opposed to how the mother was wrong. For instance, in the middle of the night the mother snuck into the neighbors yard and cut down the prize roses the neighbor had been growing for an event she entered each year where her roses were judged,......... these were spectacular roses! The mom just put them in vases in her own home. When he found out about it, he explained to the kids how this neighbor felt about those roses, how important they were to her, the time spent, the love, the contest she waited for, he humanized the neighbor and the significance of the roses without really saying anything about the mom ripping all of them out in the dead of night. Without judging her or making her wrong, he would explain the incident, whatever it was, in terms of right and wrong and how the act would impact a person. The bio mom was on welfare and went to Hawaii a few times a year, she knew how to scam the government, it was a lifestyle, all she knew how to do was lie and cheat. The two kids are in their mid twenties now and they are honorable, moral, upstanding citizens just like their Dad. Nothing like their mother. At 8 years old, your grandson already has the ability to figure out right and wrong. Perhaps if you tell him that you believe how his mother behaved is a choice, but you believe there is a better choice. Maybe explaining to him in a context he can understand, like toys, if he saw another kid in a store be interested in a certain toy and damage that toy to get it cheaper, would he feel that was a good choice to make? What if a lot of people did that, would the toy store owner be able to pay his bills if he never received proper payment for his toys? His store would close, he wouldn't be able to feed his family. The ramifications of that one choice has consequences. Explaining to him that the action taken has results in the world, whatever action we take. That we humans always have the choice to do the right thing or not. That you and your husband decide to do the right thing because of the impact each choice has and how it feels good to do the right thing. Good luck! [/QUOTE]
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Bio stole in front of son "He needs to know how to do these things"
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