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General Parenting
Bipolar son about to turn 18
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<blockquote data-quote="Mikey" data-source="post: 102327" data-attributes="member: 3579"><p>Also, it's been my experience that bribes don't work. Just like in any other situation, the "bribe" becomes part of the normal environment; eventually, the expectation is that the "compensation" will continue, even if the expected behavior doesn't continue.</p><p></p><p>However, a bribe by any other name......</p><p></p><p>Many others here have pushed me hard on the "do to get" philosophy, and they're right. Simply put, it's a reverse bribe. With a bribe, the compensation comes first, with an expectation of acceptable behavior to follow. With "do to get", the behavior must come first, THEN the compensation follows.</p><p></p><p>I also think that most folks here would say that with "do to get", the reward is <em>normal</em> compensation of family benefits, whereas bribes give compensation <em>above</em> normal family benefits. When I finally realized that, my whole perspective changed (but it took a long time). </p><p></p><p>I, too, tried bribes, but after two years of that and other failed actions, I realized that when you resort to bribes there is no incentive for your child to meet normal and reasonable expectations for family life. Eventually, I took everything away from my son that wasn't explicitly his, and left him with a roof, some clothes, and a bed. I'd like to think that two months of that helped set the stage for his being open when the rest of the bricks came flying at his head.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion, bribes may work to get one specific action one or two times, but they ultimately fail for encouraging long term behavior changes (unless you're dealing with Sicilians, in which case long term bribes may keep you very "healthy"...)</p><p></p><p> :cigarsmoker: </p><p></p><p>Mikey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mikey, post: 102327, member: 3579"] Also, it's been my experience that bribes don't work. Just like in any other situation, the "bribe" becomes part of the normal environment; eventually, the expectation is that the "compensation" will continue, even if the expected behavior doesn't continue. However, a bribe by any other name...... Many others here have pushed me hard on the "do to get" philosophy, and they're right. Simply put, it's a reverse bribe. With a bribe, the compensation comes first, with an expectation of acceptable behavior to follow. With "do to get", the behavior must come first, THEN the compensation follows. I also think that most folks here would say that with "do to get", the reward is [i]normal[/i] compensation of family benefits, whereas bribes give compensation [i]above[/i] normal family benefits. When I finally realized that, my whole perspective changed (but it took a long time). I, too, tried bribes, but after two years of that and other failed actions, I realized that when you resort to bribes there is no incentive for your child to meet normal and reasonable expectations for family life. Eventually, I took everything away from my son that wasn't explicitly his, and left him with a roof, some clothes, and a bed. I'd like to think that two months of that helped set the stage for his being open when the rest of the bricks came flying at his head. in my opinion, bribes may work to get one specific action one or two times, but they ultimately fail for encouraging long term behavior changes (unless you're dealing with Sicilians, in which case long term bribes may keep you very "healthy"...) [img]:cigarsmoker:[/img] Mikey [/QUOTE]
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Bipolar son about to turn 18
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