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Birthday Party Disaster
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 752164" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear Daisy</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry to pile on but I agree with the others. This whole day sounds like it was permeated with hostility and frustration and blame. And this was an accident waiting to happen and everybody acted out their piece. There were choice points all along for everybody. Your daughter is not the only guilty party, although I would have been annoyed with her too.</p><p></p><p>But this sounds like the way your family operates. It's like everybody ambushes and jumps on everybody, just waiting for an error.</p><p></p><p>Of course she could have arranged the balloons earlier. But you could have helped her out or kept quiet. Why confront and judge her? How does this help? You knew there was the party, that she would be stressed and so would you. To compound things by jumping on her, how did this help?</p><p></p><p>Of course it would have been better had she arrived on time to the pizza place. But why vent? There were other guests there. Would it not have been more gracious to socialize and to mingle, without the anger? That could have diffused everybody's anxiety, and put it behind you. Instead, it was compounded.</p><p></p><p>It sounds like you and your husband were the ones to basically act out in front of the party and to inflict your anger and impatience with your daughter onto the rest. And then your mother reacted to all of it by behaving inappropriately. But there was already so much tension and anger in the air, I think it would have taken a saint to have remained calm.</p><p></p><p>I know in my family something similar happens. There is so much grievance built up that it takes somebody breathing deep to make me lose it. But if I think about it, I bear responsibility. My boundaries are not firm and clear enough. I keep giving more than I have to give. That's not my son's responsibility. It's my own.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 752164, member: 18958"] Dear Daisy I'm sorry to pile on but I agree with the others. This whole day sounds like it was permeated with hostility and frustration and blame. And this was an accident waiting to happen and everybody acted out their piece. There were choice points all along for everybody. Your daughter is not the only guilty party, although I would have been annoyed with her too. But this sounds like the way your family operates. It's like everybody ambushes and jumps on everybody, just waiting for an error. Of course she could have arranged the balloons earlier. But you could have helped her out or kept quiet. Why confront and judge her? How does this help? You knew there was the party, that she would be stressed and so would you. To compound things by jumping on her, how did this help? Of course it would have been better had she arrived on time to the pizza place. But why vent? There were other guests there. Would it not have been more gracious to socialize and to mingle, without the anger? That could have diffused everybody's anxiety, and put it behind you. Instead, it was compounded. It sounds like you and your husband were the ones to basically act out in front of the party and to inflict your anger and impatience with your daughter onto the rest. And then your mother reacted to all of it by behaving inappropriately. But there was already so much tension and anger in the air, I think it would have taken a saint to have remained calm. I know in my family something similar happens. There is so much grievance built up that it takes somebody breathing deep to make me lose it. But if I think about it, I bear responsibility. My boundaries are not firm and clear enough. I keep giving more than I have to give. That's not my son's responsibility. It's my own. [/QUOTE]
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