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Birthmom is now "Mom"
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 139844" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>Dreamer I am encouraging no fantasies. We told her recently the status of her bm, that she has had several failed marriages, has had no other children(so the fantasy of a big happy family to run to is gone), that she has had a very very difficult life, that she has had and probably still does severe problems with alcohol and most likely drugs, that she was living in a trailer when she gave birth, that the boyfriend wanted nothing to do with the bm once she was pregnant, that we asked her to write difficult child a letter two years ago and help her want o get her life in order and she promised she would and never did.</p><p></p><p>And why not write a letter to boyfriend, Imean seriously why not? Is he not a major contributor here? I have always found it unfair that us Moms get the brunt of everything. They don't understand or stop to think that there is a man out there who got their bm pregnant and then walked away. Where is the anger at him? Why not want to meet him? Where is the fantasy that he is a fairy godfather and will take her away to live happily ever after. She has rejected husband as much as she has rejected me. Why then does she not want to find boyfriend since she thinks those that left her are so much better than what she has. Maybe he has the eight siblings and castle and lovely stepmom for her.</p><p></p><p>Those are rhetorical questions of course. I don't expect answers. I expect her to start thinking about the reality of things. I'm sure difficult child is hurting inside and taking her anger out on us. I told her the other day to think about why she is always so angry, who she is angry at, and do something about it before she pushes everyone in her life away. She needs to grow up. She's had years and years of therapy and has seen her life completely out of control several times now. She sees the life she can have and yet can't stop herself. </p><p></p><p>easy child did come home and has been a great source of comfort. husband has decided to go to church and we will let difficult child decide for herself whether she wants to be with us or not.</p><p></p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 139844, member: 59"] Dreamer I am encouraging no fantasies. We told her recently the status of her bm, that she has had several failed marriages, has had no other children(so the fantasy of a big happy family to run to is gone), that she has had a very very difficult life, that she has had and probably still does severe problems with alcohol and most likely drugs, that she was living in a trailer when she gave birth, that the boyfriend wanted nothing to do with the bm once she was pregnant, that we asked her to write difficult child a letter two years ago and help her want o get her life in order and she promised she would and never did. And why not write a letter to boyfriend, Imean seriously why not? Is he not a major contributor here? I have always found it unfair that us Moms get the brunt of everything. They don't understand or stop to think that there is a man out there who got their bm pregnant and then walked away. Where is the anger at him? Why not want to meet him? Where is the fantasy that he is a fairy godfather and will take her away to live happily ever after. She has rejected husband as much as she has rejected me. Why then does she not want to find boyfriend since she thinks those that left her are so much better than what she has. Maybe he has the eight siblings and castle and lovely stepmom for her. Those are rhetorical questions of course. I don't expect answers. I expect her to start thinking about the reality of things. I'm sure difficult child is hurting inside and taking her anger out on us. I told her the other day to think about why she is always so angry, who she is angry at, and do something about it before she pushes everyone in her life away. She needs to grow up. She's had years and years of therapy and has seen her life completely out of control several times now. She sees the life she can have and yet can't stop herself. easy child did come home and has been a great source of comfort. husband has decided to go to church and we will let difficult child decide for herself whether she wants to be with us or not. Nancy [/QUOTE]
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