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General Parenting
Birthmom is now "Mom"
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<blockquote data-quote="Martie" data-source="post: 139896" data-attributes="member: 284"><p>Nancy,</p><p></p><p>I am sorry I have not been reading posts on the General board recently, so I have missed your latest posts---it happens when I become overwhelmed.</p><p></p><p>I understand you are hurting but this is about difficult child not you as a mother. No one could have tried harder or done more than you and husband. difficult child is looking for something that her bio mom will not provide but she has to go through that. If you get behind her "search," then there is nothing to fight about with you.</p><p></p><p>I have a child who is adopted also who wants to search for his birth family in Korea...I hope he finds them; it will answer questions that I cannot answer; and he is quite serious. It is one of his major motivators for becoming fluent in Korean. However, he is still an American kid who was raised in our family not in Korea. Your child was raised by you, not her bio mom no matter what is happening now. I know you have information that I do not have, so it might seem as if your difficult child shouldn't need to discover information that is likely to be unpleasant and that you already have given her. However, for a difficult child who is an adopted adolescent, "knowing" isn't enough; sometimes it takes "seeing" as well.</p><p></p><p>I wish you the peace of the season. One way or another, this too shall pass.</p><p></p><p>Martie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Martie, post: 139896, member: 284"] Nancy, I am sorry I have not been reading posts on the General board recently, so I have missed your latest posts---it happens when I become overwhelmed. I understand you are hurting but this is about difficult child not you as a mother. No one could have tried harder or done more than you and husband. difficult child is looking for something that her bio mom will not provide but she has to go through that. If you get behind her "search," then there is nothing to fight about with you. I have a child who is adopted also who wants to search for his birth family in Korea...I hope he finds them; it will answer questions that I cannot answer; and he is quite serious. It is one of his major motivators for becoming fluent in Korean. However, he is still an American kid who was raised in our family not in Korea. Your child was raised by you, not her bio mom no matter what is happening now. I know you have information that I do not have, so it might seem as if your difficult child shouldn't need to discover information that is likely to be unpleasant and that you already have given her. However, for a difficult child who is an adopted adolescent, "knowing" isn't enough; sometimes it takes "seeing" as well. I wish you the peace of the season. One way or another, this too shall pass. Martie [/QUOTE]
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