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Bizarre personality difficulties
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 730972" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi nomad</p><p></p><p>I agree with the above posters. There is kind of a meeting in the middle, that they advocate.</p><p></p><p>On the one hand there is the recognition of limits. Of certain basic personality patterns that are rigid and inflexible: the expectation that she change seems unreasonable. From what you have posted she has limited insight, self awareness and poor coping.</p><p></p><p>It seems that to make the visits go easier, we need to change our expectations, making the result about what will work. Clearly fine restaurants do not work.</p><p></p><p>But this does not mean taking her crxp. There needs to be built in the idea that she needs to be responsible for her behavior. But if the expectation is that she conform in situations that trigger her? Is that fair?</p><p></p><p>But I think you need to be ready to leave.</p><p></p><p>There is something I deal with. There are behaviors by my son I hate. I can't stand them. There is no way I want to meet half way. My son can act oddly and disordered, but I hang onto the 80 percent of his presentation that is normal, and try to reject the disordered. At the root: I do not want him to be ill. I am tempted to reject what is ill. Is this fair?</p><p></p><p>I am learning this is my problem. I leave my rightful lane to critique or to react to him, if he is not acting against me. And he is not. He has a right to be him. Even odd.</p><p></p><p>I am learning a lot of this is my stuff. Learning boundaries. Dealing with my stuff. Staying centered in me. Basic compassion. Realistic expectations for myself and my child and us together. Most of all: that my son is not responsible to meet my expectations or needs. Those are mine.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 730972, member: 18958"] Hi nomad I agree with the above posters. There is kind of a meeting in the middle, that they advocate. On the one hand there is the recognition of limits. Of certain basic personality patterns that are rigid and inflexible: the expectation that she change seems unreasonable. From what you have posted she has limited insight, self awareness and poor coping. It seems that to make the visits go easier, we need to change our expectations, making the result about what will work. Clearly fine restaurants do not work. But this does not mean taking her crxp. There needs to be built in the idea that she needs to be responsible for her behavior. But if the expectation is that she conform in situations that trigger her? Is that fair? But I think you need to be ready to leave. There is something I deal with. There are behaviors by my son I hate. I can't stand them. There is no way I want to meet half way. My son can act oddly and disordered, but I hang onto the 80 percent of his presentation that is normal, and try to reject the disordered. At the root: I do not want him to be ill. I am tempted to reject what is ill. Is this fair? I am learning this is my problem. I leave my rightful lane to critique or to react to him, if he is not acting against me. And he is not. He has a right to be him. Even odd. I am learning a lot of this is my stuff. Learning boundaries. Dealing with my stuff. Staying centered in me. Basic compassion. Realistic expectations for myself and my child and us together. Most of all: that my son is not responsible to meet my expectations or needs. Those are mine. [/QUOTE]
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