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Blindsided by PPD_NOS diagnosis
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 217356" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>About Ropefree's posts - Ropefree, I do understand what you're saying, but I have to read carefully and check myself to make sure I've got your message. It's a pity, because a lot of what you're saying is good stuff, we should be better able to understand you.</p><p></p><p>At the risk of offending others, can I suggest you "dumb down" your comments, perhaps aim for shorter sentences and simpler words?</p><p></p><p>I know I'm sometimes guilty of the same things, trying to express myself fluently and verbosely and all I achieve is to leave others floundering.</p><p></p><p>My analysis of Ropefree's post (and please feel free to correct me, Ropefree, if I've got it wrong):</p><p></p><p><em>Current government policy of "No Child Left Behind" now means that teachers' jobs are much more challenging, because they have to meet the needs of a much wider range of children. They also have to make sure they are giving every child the best opportunity possible, to achieve to their ability. However, while this increases the teachers' workloads it also increases the teachers' abilities to DO the job - to help these more challenging children. The more a teacher tries to help, the more the teacher learns about the scope of support available and the better they get at helping students with learning problems.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Becoming a teacher is itself a huge commitment and the sort of person who takes this on as a career is also the sort of person capable of adapting to the wider range of children's needs.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>When a parent expresses concern about their child being labelled, they risk their child's needs going unmet unless the teacher works it out for him/herself that this child needs help. A child who is not being taught what they need, in the way they need it, with the range of help available, is a child who is missing out. It should be our job as parents to be vigilant about making sure our child is getting access to the help they may need and the education they should receive. This education for our child is a right, not something to be grateful for if we 'luck out' and happen to get it. We need to work with the teachers where possible, telling them what they need, to ensure this happens. Teachers generally do respond positively to this sort of helpful information and use it to help our children.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Parents need to be plugged in to their children's needs and the range of educational options. Sometimes parents express concern that their child is not getting the help they need, when this in fact may not be the case. If a child gets the vibe from the parent that perhaps they're not up to coping in mainstream, this may become an unnecessary reality. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Sometimes however, there are problems with personality clash with a teacher. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Trust your own judgements, get what information you can scrounge and recognise that sometimes our kids take a bit longer to get there.</em></p><p></p><p>My own feelings - mainstream isn't always as rosy as you painted it, Ropefree. I'm glad that it has been for you and I wish your experience could be everybody's, but sometimes it's not just the occasional teacher that is a bad fit, it can be the entire mainstream setting. I do agree with you that we need to be more open and supportive of schools and teachers where possible because when they're getting it right, they DO do an amazing job. While I have met some awful whingeing parents, I'm concerned that they seem to me to be in the minority; what I see more of (in myself as well as others) are parents too willing to believe what the school and/or the teacher tells them about their child causing the parent to back off and think badly of the child without question, when in fact their child needs the parent to step in and fight for them.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 was struggling in mainstream for many reasons, not all of them due to teacher neglect or mismanagement. However, I let myself think badly of my own child when in fact he was desperate for someone to believe in him. We did have the chance to experience a really good mainstream school, and it was here that we could see where even the best mainstream setting just wouldn't be enough to meet his needs. The good school also showed us a glimpse of how bad it had been previously.</p><p></p><p>A lot of the problems we had with difficult child 3 were due to his Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-related issues. The sensory stuff meant that he was highly distractible; the sheer number of others in the classroom meant lots of little noises and movements that just can't be avoided. difficult child 3 is extremely sociable, he loves being around other people and enjoyed the social side of school (apart from the bullying) but it really severely interfered with his ability to do the work. Other sensory issues - the labels inside his shirts, some shirts that had been stitched with synthetic thread instead of cotton thread; the slightest rip in his clothes would rapidly become a huge hole within hours; the taste, smell or texture of food (for example, class parties or other food available at school); temperature and appropriate clothing (difficult child 3 still will pull on a sweater and ugg boots even though it's now summer here). The ADHD component of difficult child 3 meant that he had a lot more difficulty with task-changing, he actually works better if he sticks at the same subject for hours instead of changing topic every half hour. Unfortunately, schools work by changing topics frequently to avoid 'burning out' most of the class.</p><p></p><p>Many reasons. </p><p></p><p>A point that was made to me today by a friend - kids like difficult child 3 think differently, they learn differently. If we keep trying to shove them into the same shaped hole as everyone else, we risk damaging their unique natures and losing the marvellous gifts they may have, in our zeal to make them seem "normal". Our kids will flourish more successfully if we can help them find their own optimum learning method. For some kids, this may be so different form what is available in mainstream, as to make a mainstream placement ineffective or inappropriate. That is what we have found with difficult child 3. Other kids may be able to cope in mainstream, or even do brilliantly. The point is, the more our child differs in their needs, the more closely we have to examine the whole situation and make the call - where will our child learn best? What is the optimum educational placement?</p><p></p><p>We also have to recognise that sometimes this has nothing to do with how compassionate, skilled or capable his teachers may be - sometimes not even the best mainstream teacher can make up for problems that are within the child himself.</p><p></p><p>Numina, as you can see we have a wide range of opinions here on this site. You are the person "on the spot" with your son, you have to have faith in yourself as parent, that you know your child best of anybody and of course have his best interests at heart. As Ropefree said, take from here what works for you and believe in yourself as a parent. You are the most qualified person to be your son's advocate.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 217356, member: 1991"] About Ropefree's posts - Ropefree, I do understand what you're saying, but I have to read carefully and check myself to make sure I've got your message. It's a pity, because a lot of what you're saying is good stuff, we should be better able to understand you. At the risk of offending others, can I suggest you "dumb down" your comments, perhaps aim for shorter sentences and simpler words? I know I'm sometimes guilty of the same things, trying to express myself fluently and verbosely and all I achieve is to leave others floundering. My analysis of Ropefree's post (and please feel free to correct me, Ropefree, if I've got it wrong): [I]Current government policy of "No Child Left Behind" now means that teachers' jobs are much more challenging, because they have to meet the needs of a much wider range of children. They also have to make sure they are giving every child the best opportunity possible, to achieve to their ability. However, while this increases the teachers' workloads it also increases the teachers' abilities to DO the job - to help these more challenging children. The more a teacher tries to help, the more the teacher learns about the scope of support available and the better they get at helping students with learning problems. Becoming a teacher is itself a huge commitment and the sort of person who takes this on as a career is also the sort of person capable of adapting to the wider range of children's needs. When a parent expresses concern about their child being labelled, they risk their child's needs going unmet unless the teacher works it out for him/herself that this child needs help. A child who is not being taught what they need, in the way they need it, with the range of help available, is a child who is missing out. It should be our job as parents to be vigilant about making sure our child is getting access to the help they may need and the education they should receive. This education for our child is a right, not something to be grateful for if we 'luck out' and happen to get it. We need to work with the teachers where possible, telling them what they need, to ensure this happens. Teachers generally do respond positively to this sort of helpful information and use it to help our children. Parents need to be plugged in to their children's needs and the range of educational options. Sometimes parents express concern that their child is not getting the help they need, when this in fact may not be the case. If a child gets the vibe from the parent that perhaps they're not up to coping in mainstream, this may become an unnecessary reality. Sometimes however, there are problems with personality clash with a teacher. Trust your own judgements, get what information you can scrounge and recognise that sometimes our kids take a bit longer to get there.[/I] My own feelings - mainstream isn't always as rosy as you painted it, Ropefree. I'm glad that it has been for you and I wish your experience could be everybody's, but sometimes it's not just the occasional teacher that is a bad fit, it can be the entire mainstream setting. I do agree with you that we need to be more open and supportive of schools and teachers where possible because when they're getting it right, they DO do an amazing job. While I have met some awful whingeing parents, I'm concerned that they seem to me to be in the minority; what I see more of (in myself as well as others) are parents too willing to believe what the school and/or the teacher tells them about their child causing the parent to back off and think badly of the child without question, when in fact their child needs the parent to step in and fight for them. difficult child 3 was struggling in mainstream for many reasons, not all of them due to teacher neglect or mismanagement. However, I let myself think badly of my own child when in fact he was desperate for someone to believe in him. We did have the chance to experience a really good mainstream school, and it was here that we could see where even the best mainstream setting just wouldn't be enough to meet his needs. The good school also showed us a glimpse of how bad it had been previously. A lot of the problems we had with difficult child 3 were due to his Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-related issues. The sensory stuff meant that he was highly distractible; the sheer number of others in the classroom meant lots of little noises and movements that just can't be avoided. difficult child 3 is extremely sociable, he loves being around other people and enjoyed the social side of school (apart from the bullying) but it really severely interfered with his ability to do the work. Other sensory issues - the labels inside his shirts, some shirts that had been stitched with synthetic thread instead of cotton thread; the slightest rip in his clothes would rapidly become a huge hole within hours; the taste, smell or texture of food (for example, class parties or other food available at school); temperature and appropriate clothing (difficult child 3 still will pull on a sweater and ugg boots even though it's now summer here). The ADHD component of difficult child 3 meant that he had a lot more difficulty with task-changing, he actually works better if he sticks at the same subject for hours instead of changing topic every half hour. Unfortunately, schools work by changing topics frequently to avoid 'burning out' most of the class. Many reasons. A point that was made to me today by a friend - kids like difficult child 3 think differently, they learn differently. If we keep trying to shove them into the same shaped hole as everyone else, we risk damaging their unique natures and losing the marvellous gifts they may have, in our zeal to make them seem "normal". Our kids will flourish more successfully if we can help them find their own optimum learning method. For some kids, this may be so different form what is available in mainstream, as to make a mainstream placement ineffective or inappropriate. That is what we have found with difficult child 3. Other kids may be able to cope in mainstream, or even do brilliantly. The point is, the more our child differs in their needs, the more closely we have to examine the whole situation and make the call - where will our child learn best? What is the optimum educational placement? We also have to recognise that sometimes this has nothing to do with how compassionate, skilled or capable his teachers may be - sometimes not even the best mainstream teacher can make up for problems that are within the child himself. Numina, as you can see we have a wide range of opinions here on this site. You are the person "on the spot" with your son, you have to have faith in yourself as parent, that you know your child best of anybody and of course have his best interests at heart. As Ropefree said, take from here what works for you and believe in yourself as a parent. You are the most qualified person to be your son's advocate. Marg [/QUOTE]
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