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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 354156"><p>I am so sorry. If he is gay and you are not holding judgment on this, than what is the problem? Sounds like this some sort of problem for him and not for you. However, he is TRYING to create a problem for you.</p><p> Can you hold onto the idea that this is<strong> HIS <u>maladaptive perspective</u></strong>? Also, it serves him well because it allows him to move away from accountability and toward entitlement. When I mention accountability, I mean in terms of being a responsible person in life (has nothing to do with- orientation).</p><p></p><p>How can he be expected to be a responsible young adult, when after all, he didn't have a loving mother? You tell me? Perhaps others have fallen for this trap. Why should you? He has hit you where it hurts. AND he is manipulating the hexk out of you and your husband by trying to triangulate you. You can't talk to your husband about your letter? What's up with that? Is he in therapy? Is this part of some therapeutic treatment? If not, perhaps consider going for family therapy...the three of you. CAll his bluff. If mom was so unloving, how about some group sessions to get it all out in the open and on the table. However, bottom line is he is an adult. Too bad, so sad if he misinterpreted something along the way. You did your best and my guess is chances are REAL good that not only was he loved, but he had it MUCH better than many many out there. Take note of this...my difficult child got into a rip roaring argument with- her boyfriend recently who grew up with a drug addicted mother, was very poor and was kicked out of the house at age 18, that she had it WORSE by far than he did. Say what? Well, take out the violins. Katya.....in my humble opinion you need to drop kick this guilt trip fire bomb asap. AND I would seriously consider talking with- your husband about your difficult child upsetting you (perhaps leave out the revelation for now). I wouldn't hold it in for too long and I definately would NOT take his cruel comments seriously. Hand the guilt back to him and say "so sorry....mamma don't play this." Re-read Suz's link re: detachment...it's awesome! Set up some boundaries. Don't take direction from someone trying to separate you from your husband, acusing you of falsehoods and making you feel like CRXP!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 354156"] I am so sorry. If he is gay and you are not holding judgment on this, than what is the problem? Sounds like this some sort of problem for him and not for you. However, he is TRYING to create a problem for you. Can you hold onto the idea that this is[B] HIS [U]maladaptive perspective[/U][/B]? Also, it serves him well because it allows him to move away from accountability and toward entitlement. When I mention accountability, I mean in terms of being a responsible person in life (has nothing to do with- orientation). How can he be expected to be a responsible young adult, when after all, he didn't have a loving mother? You tell me? Perhaps others have fallen for this trap. Why should you? He has hit you where it hurts. AND he is manipulating the hexk out of you and your husband by trying to triangulate you. You can't talk to your husband about your letter? What's up with that? Is he in therapy? Is this part of some therapeutic treatment? If not, perhaps consider going for family therapy...the three of you. CAll his bluff. If mom was so unloving, how about some group sessions to get it all out in the open and on the table. However, bottom line is he is an adult. Too bad, so sad if he misinterpreted something along the way. You did your best and my guess is chances are REAL good that not only was he loved, but he had it MUCH better than many many out there. Take note of this...my difficult child got into a rip roaring argument with- her boyfriend recently who grew up with a drug addicted mother, was very poor and was kicked out of the house at age 18, that she had it WORSE by far than he did. Say what? Well, take out the violins. Katya.....in my humble opinion you need to drop kick this guilt trip fire bomb asap. AND I would seriously consider talking with- your husband about your difficult child upsetting you (perhaps leave out the revelation for now). I wouldn't hold it in for too long and I definately would NOT take his cruel comments seriously. Hand the guilt back to him and say "so sorry....mamma don't play this." Re-read Suz's link re: detachment...it's awesome! Set up some boundaries. Don't take direction from someone trying to separate you from your husband, acusing you of falsehoods and making you feel like CRXP! [/QUOTE]
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