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<blockquote data-quote="WhymeMom?" data-source="post: 354228" data-attributes="member: 53"><p>As I reread posts I had a couple of questions....................... Who is helping with college? Is he totally on scholarships? HIS loans? OTHER family members contributions? If he is so totally disgusted with your treatment why is he coming home in a couple of weeks to "stay" at your home? Sounds to me that he was off for first experience at college and trying to make decisions, but doesn't understand reality of who gave him this opportunity...................YOU did. Is there any question that he would not be there except for YOU? HE doesn't think about this because he has probably yet to be on his own in the REAL world. He is making tiny decisions about whether he goes to class, if he stays in a dorm, what he eats for lunch......... not the big ones like where will I sleep tonight if I have no support from my family, what will I eat if I have no support from my family, how can I survive if I have no support from my family? I am not saying to stop your support of him, just that he doesn't realize where his support is coming from and could be under the influence of others (as Marg has suggested) and thinks THEY will give him unconditional support which likely is a very flawed assumption........... </p><p>Guess I would tell him he has more decisions to make. If he feels so mistreated at home he should find somewhere else to stay and someone else to provide funding. You are NOT upset by his lifestyle choice, only that he feels so wronged by you. No shouting, no arguing, just calmly state this is your choice to make, you are welcome at my home as a guest, but if living there is so horrible you would hate to see him accept YOUR help and feel that he is living with such "intolerable" conditions. Now you realize that this will mean he will go back to friends saying he has been "disowned", it depends if YOU are at this step with him. If he is still planning on coming home sounds like there is room for discussion, just keep it on YOUR terms......... it's YOUR life too and it is YOUR home he is returning to. You don't need to apologize for providing a house with rules of respect.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WhymeMom?, post: 354228, member: 53"] As I reread posts I had a couple of questions....................... Who is helping with college? Is he totally on scholarships? HIS loans? OTHER family members contributions? If he is so totally disgusted with your treatment why is he coming home in a couple of weeks to "stay" at your home? Sounds to me that he was off for first experience at college and trying to make decisions, but doesn't understand reality of who gave him this opportunity...................YOU did. Is there any question that he would not be there except for YOU? HE doesn't think about this because he has probably yet to be on his own in the REAL world. He is making tiny decisions about whether he goes to class, if he stays in a dorm, what he eats for lunch......... not the big ones like where will I sleep tonight if I have no support from my family, what will I eat if I have no support from my family, how can I survive if I have no support from my family? I am not saying to stop your support of him, just that he doesn't realize where his support is coming from and could be under the influence of others (as Marg has suggested) and thinks THEY will give him unconditional support which likely is a very flawed assumption........... Guess I would tell him he has more decisions to make. If he feels so mistreated at home he should find somewhere else to stay and someone else to provide funding. You are NOT upset by his lifestyle choice, only that he feels so wronged by you. No shouting, no arguing, just calmly state this is your choice to make, you are welcome at my home as a guest, but if living there is so horrible you would hate to see him accept YOUR help and feel that he is living with such "intolerable" conditions. Now you realize that this will mean he will go back to friends saying he has been "disowned", it depends if YOU are at this step with him. If he is still planning on coming home sounds like there is room for discussion, just keep it on YOUR terms......... it's YOUR life too and it is YOUR home he is returning to. You don't need to apologize for providing a house with rules of respect. [/QUOTE]
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