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Boundaries: non existant in her world, will that EVER change???
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<blockquote data-quote="dashcat" data-source="post: 585835" data-attributes="member: 9175"><p>Bran,</p><p>I want you to know that you are not alone. I have experienced many of the same things with my 21 year old difficult child. Like you, I did not recognize some of her early behaviors as lacking boundaries. In the case of my daughter (an only child, so I had nobody to compare her to), her lack of boundaries as a young child took ont he appearance of confidence, extroversion, exhuberance, and what we called "the diva syndrome". As she grew older, she began to say things that were socially inappropriate, but as a young child, her dancing and singing, her chatting it up with strangers and her fearlessness ... well, they almost looked like good things to me. In the rearview mirror, however, they look VERY different.</p><p></p><p>Like your difficult child, mine is highly sexual and has done pretty much everything (except accidental naked photos to her dad) that yours has. Had she sent the photos, her reaction would have been pretty much the same.</p><p></p><p>Will it ever change?</p><p></p><p>I don't know.</p><p></p><p>Is your daughter on medications? Mine is so far refusing. I think medications would help with poor boundaries and impulse control, but I am just guessing. I know nothing about DBT therapy, but I'm sure another experienced warrior will weigh in.</p><p></p><p>Please know that your daughter's lack of boudaries is something that is completely out of your control. You cannot set boundaries for anyone else, but you can set them for yourself. It is ok to say to her "you may not speak that way in front of me". I have, by repeating that mantra, succeeded in signficantly reducing the number of times I hear the F word from my daughter. I also absolutely refuse to be around ANYONE smoking cigaretttes. While my difficult child does smoke (can't do anything about that), she knows not to light up in front of me. These are two very tiny things in the big picture, but they are both proof that we can draw boundaries for OURSELVES.</p><p></p><p>i am so sorry for what you are going through. The sexual acting out is very hard to deal with and I know you are concerned with her social behavior as well. Do you best to concentrate on what you can control.</p><p></p><p>Many hugs, </p><p>Dash</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dashcat, post: 585835, member: 9175"] Bran, I want you to know that you are not alone. I have experienced many of the same things with my 21 year old difficult child. Like you, I did not recognize some of her early behaviors as lacking boundaries. In the case of my daughter (an only child, so I had nobody to compare her to), her lack of boundaries as a young child took ont he appearance of confidence, extroversion, exhuberance, and what we called "the diva syndrome". As she grew older, she began to say things that were socially inappropriate, but as a young child, her dancing and singing, her chatting it up with strangers and her fearlessness ... well, they almost looked like good things to me. In the rearview mirror, however, they look VERY different. Like your difficult child, mine is highly sexual and has done pretty much everything (except accidental naked photos to her dad) that yours has. Had she sent the photos, her reaction would have been pretty much the same. Will it ever change? I don't know. Is your daughter on medications? Mine is so far refusing. I think medications would help with poor boundaries and impulse control, but I am just guessing. I know nothing about DBT therapy, but I'm sure another experienced warrior will weigh in. Please know that your daughter's lack of boudaries is something that is completely out of your control. You cannot set boundaries for anyone else, but you can set them for yourself. It is ok to say to her "you may not speak that way in front of me". I have, by repeating that mantra, succeeded in signficantly reducing the number of times I hear the F word from my daughter. I also absolutely refuse to be around ANYONE smoking cigaretttes. While my difficult child does smoke (can't do anything about that), she knows not to light up in front of me. These are two very tiny things in the big picture, but they are both proof that we can draw boundaries for OURSELVES. i am so sorry for what you are going through. The sexual acting out is very hard to deal with and I know you are concerned with her social behavior as well. Do you best to concentrate on what you can control. Many hugs, Dash [/QUOTE]
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Boundaries: non existant in her world, will that EVER change???
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