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Parent Emeritus
Boundaries: non existant in her world, will that EVER change???
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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 585868" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>To be blunt, at this age, I think that "trying to explain" anything to her is pointless. You can't make her change her boundaries. Instead, work on your own. If she tries to give your her detailed exploits, I'd flat out say, "I don't want to hear it" and walk away. Don't tell her why it's inappropriate, just turn a deaf ear. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes we get caught up in the "why does he/she do this" stuff, and get stuck in the habit of thinking if we just react the right way, or say the right thing, some lightbulb will go off in their heads and they'll magically change their behavior. It doesn't work that way, unfortunately. What does work is keeping firm boundaries in place regarding what you will NOT tolerate from them. I do believe that while their overall behavior (around others) may not change without therapy, their behavior towards you might. Sometimes, natural consequences eventually cause them to shift their behavior patterns. My Oldest is Borderline (BPD), and over the years has gradually figured out that certain behaviors do not get her desired results with me. She's now respectful (even if still sometimes moody) and rarely asks me for anything. If you'd told me that 10 years ago, I'd have scoffed at it. But it's happened.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 585868, member: 1157"] To be blunt, at this age, I think that "trying to explain" anything to her is pointless. You can't make her change her boundaries. Instead, work on your own. If she tries to give your her detailed exploits, I'd flat out say, "I don't want to hear it" and walk away. Don't tell her why it's inappropriate, just turn a deaf ear. Sometimes we get caught up in the "why does he/she do this" stuff, and get stuck in the habit of thinking if we just react the right way, or say the right thing, some lightbulb will go off in their heads and they'll magically change their behavior. It doesn't work that way, unfortunately. What does work is keeping firm boundaries in place regarding what you will NOT tolerate from them. I do believe that while their overall behavior (around others) may not change without therapy, their behavior towards you might. Sometimes, natural consequences eventually cause them to shift their behavior patterns. My Oldest is Borderline (BPD), and over the years has gradually figured out that certain behaviors do not get her desired results with me. She's now respectful (even if still sometimes moody) and rarely asks me for anything. If you'd told me that 10 years ago, I'd have scoffed at it. But it's happened. [/QUOTE]
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Boundaries: non existant in her world, will that EVER change???
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