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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 430490" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Okay. Thank you for sharing.</p><p></p><p>I have adopted kids from foster care from similar circumstances (birthmothers heavily drank/used drugs even during pregnancy). There is a very good chance that this child is not "bad" or even bipolar or ADHD, but maybe a combination of all sorts of different behaviors due to his birthmother exposing his developing brain to alcohol and drugs before he was born. It is unusual for a child who has had that exposure NOT to have behavior and learning problems because alcohol is horrible for a fetus. I was told it is worse than cocaine. Often it causes explosive children who have compromised abilities to reason or control their impulses. Unfortunately, medication doesn't help these sorts of kids that much...at times it can temper some of the worst behaviors. </p><p></p><p>Has he ever been seen by a neuropsychologist? Has anyone mentioned possible fetal alcohol spectrum (this would be anywhere from fetal alcohol syndrome to fetal alcohol effect). If not, I'd get a fresh opinion.</p><p></p><p>His background was also chaotic, which doesn't help either. He was abandoned or taken to foster care once and then his new parents got divorced. Now his father is remarried. He has had a lot of different parent figures in his life. This can cause attachment problems. Unless a psychiatrist is aware of the affects of adopted children (no, not all are), he can often be clueless as to why the child is so defiant. </p><p></p><p>If this were my SS, I would ask husband to schedule a neuropsychologist evaluation and bring up possible alcohol/drug effects and what your expectations of the child should be AND how best to handle him. Then I would take him to a therapist who specializes in adoption/attachment.</p><p></p><p>As to whether or not a child should be respectful, of course, but we can't force them to. I'm not sure that this particular child may resent you even more if husband tries to force him to act respectful. JMO</p><p></p><p>Good luck, whatever you decide to do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 430490, member: 1550"] Okay. Thank you for sharing. I have adopted kids from foster care from similar circumstances (birthmothers heavily drank/used drugs even during pregnancy). There is a very good chance that this child is not "bad" or even bipolar or ADHD, but maybe a combination of all sorts of different behaviors due to his birthmother exposing his developing brain to alcohol and drugs before he was born. It is unusual for a child who has had that exposure NOT to have behavior and learning problems because alcohol is horrible for a fetus. I was told it is worse than cocaine. Often it causes explosive children who have compromised abilities to reason or control their impulses. Unfortunately, medication doesn't help these sorts of kids that much...at times it can temper some of the worst behaviors. Has he ever been seen by a neuropsychologist? Has anyone mentioned possible fetal alcohol spectrum (this would be anywhere from fetal alcohol syndrome to fetal alcohol effect). If not, I'd get a fresh opinion. His background was also chaotic, which doesn't help either. He was abandoned or taken to foster care once and then his new parents got divorced. Now his father is remarried. He has had a lot of different parent figures in his life. This can cause attachment problems. Unless a psychiatrist is aware of the affects of adopted children (no, not all are), he can often be clueless as to why the child is so defiant. If this were my SS, I would ask husband to schedule a neuropsychologist evaluation and bring up possible alcohol/drug effects and what your expectations of the child should be AND how best to handle him. Then I would take him to a therapist who specializes in adoption/attachment. As to whether or not a child should be respectful, of course, but we can't force them to. I'm not sure that this particular child may resent you even more if husband tries to force him to act respectful. JMO Good luck, whatever you decide to do. [/QUOTE]
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