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Broken and despairing. Bereft. No hope left.
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 702934" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Copa, I felt as if I was in a lunatic asylum too......but thankfully, we CAN change. Now I feel like I am an adventurer about to take off on a journey........way more fun!!</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes I have come to that conclusion as well. I like the pet sitter idea and it looks like you found one!</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>If the place has electricity and water and heat, then it sounds as if it is enough. It beats the streets and he would be safe. I've had to give up what my idea of esthetics is where my daughter is concerned....geez, she's lived in a place with no water for over a year!!</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Well, if it were me I would say no roommates. That is just my opinion based on my own experience, but that unknown person will be on your property and you won't be there. I would make sure that I felt safe and make that my priority, not what my son wants, but what I want. You are offering him a place to stay, it is your home, you get to make the rules. I have felt that people need to contribute SOMETHING, whether it's rent or work but otherwise resentment builds on both sides, he should have something he has to offer for a living space.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I can't tell you how long I ruminated and railed against that too Copa. Sigh. I know how you feel. Yes it sucks, but from my point of view, it is necessary for US so we can let go and accept what is. I was just listening to yet another CD by Eckhart Tolle and one of his favorite quotes is "if you don't like something in your life you have 3 choices, change it, leave it or accept it. Anything else is insanity." I know I can't change my daughter and I can't leave her, so all that is left is to accept it........clearly the hardest choice too.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Ahhhh, Copa, thank you for saying that.......I've had to do a bit of work too to feel that security in my dreams. I know exactly what you mean.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Thanks for asking Copa. Well, as you know, I retired last year and I made a hard choice then to wait one entire year before I made any big choices. During the year my husband and I have talked about many options. As the year progressed, my daughter and granddaughter were doing better and that made a huge difference to clear the road ahead. In addition I needed to go through the grief of letting go of my career, and then fear emerged about the void left in my life without work and parenting.....so I've been busy on an inner journey too. It's been a year of intense changes internally and externally. I put myself first for the first time and you may recall, we began a whole new dietary experiment with no dairy, sugar, meat and processed foods as well as a very good exercise program.......so we are in very good health.......we completed our wills......we organized the house and got rid of a lot of stuff we didn't need.......the year has been kind of an in-between time, the old is gone, the new hasn't arrived yet.....so I spent the year getting healthier, and on pretty much all levels cleaning up my life.</p><p></p><p>Like you, we're looking at the possibility of selling the house and moving.....to another country? Maybe, more research is required. I am on a bunch of sites where older folks are RV'ing, traveling the world, living abroad, it's been fun to look at all of that. I see this time as the talking about options time......now that we got a lot out of the way, it is getting closer to a time of movement, but not quite yet. Right now we're considering going to Kauai (our favorite place on the planet) for an extended time, sort of to rest, soak in the beauty and that incredible balmy air, and think about options. But that wouldn't be until after the New Year anyway. I've even thought about going back to school! I think if things had been different, I would have ventured more to art and writing......I love school so that would be fun too.</p><p></p><p>Many years ago I took a workshop where the facilitator gave us this way of looking at options.....first you have what he called "conversations for possibilities." That is where my husband and I are right now. And, it's way fun to have these conversations too! After you get through with that stage, you then have "conversations for action." That's the next step for us......but that may be next year some time, I am not interested in rushing......I want to uncover my buried desires and really make sure I am focused on what it is I truly want. I read something the other day that made sense to me, " to live a soul driven life where your intention is to create harmony, cooperation, sharing and a reverence for life." The author talked about a "sacred task" and "authentic power" which all resonated with me as well. I'm reading books that are helping me negotiate this new life. I started with a new therapist who is helping me create a vision with the steps necessary to create this new life. So I am in this fully now......As my husband jokingly says to me all the time now, "it's all about YOU now!"</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I live in Northern California, so I hear you! We are in a similar situation.....We've thought about taking a few months and a long road trip and going to different states/towns which we like and renting a small place for a few months and then traveling around that area to see if that would work on a permanent basis for us. We love the south, Savannah, Charleston, the small islands off of Georgia......but I'm not sure that would be a good fit.....hence the short stay. We could just keep on moving around the US for awhile checking out towns and staying for awhile.....and then moving on. I read about a couple who bought an RV and trucked around for awhile, started a blog and then left the country to live in various other countries......they evolved in their original travel plan.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Great question Copa, thanks. I think I've been shedding that skin now for about 5 years, ever since my daughters life blew apart. The changes I made during that time placed me in a very different zone and that zone made this new thinking possible. I believe in being open to what is next but doing my homework as well. Yes, it is definitely a surrender, a letting go.......the old life is gone, perhaps this whole life as I know it is gone......maybe selling the house and taking off is exactly the right thing to do.......I'm not quite there yet. Travel is probably my favorite thing to do, so I am seeking that kind of adventure, but with a certain amount of comfort since my days of staying in youth hostels is long gone! Having traveled a good amount, I know how each step leads you somewhere else......if you have no agenda or time constraints you can show up for what happens in an open way and go with it.</p><p></p><p>I read this the other day and it felt important to me......it is what I want and what I seek...."The outer path we take is public knowledge, but the path with heart is an inner one. The two come together when who we are that is seen in the world coincides with who we deeply are. As we grow wiser, we become aware that the important forks in the road are usually not about choices that will show up on any public record; they are decisions and struggles to do with choosing love or fear; anger or forgiveness; pride or humility. They are soul shaping choices." "May you know which path has heart and have the courage to take it." I'm not sure I've ever had my outer path and my inner path coincide and I'm determined to live that way now.</p><p></p><p>As I read, research and talk to my husband, insights and awarenesses are coming forth.....giving me clues as to what this next stage of life will look like. I'm preparing for it now.</p><p></p><p>I can understand your concerns about M and his undocumented status. What are your options?</p><p></p><p>The new political climate may alter our plans a tad, I'm not sure yet.....</p><p></p><p>Thanks for the opportunity to gain a little more clarity Copa.......it's a whole new world out there for you and I.......<em>let's go for it!</em><img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 702934, member: 13542"] Copa, I felt as if I was in a lunatic asylum too......but thankfully, we CAN change. Now I feel like I am an adventurer about to take off on a journey........way more fun!! Yes I have come to that conclusion as well. I like the pet sitter idea and it looks like you found one! If the place has electricity and water and heat, then it sounds as if it is enough. It beats the streets and he would be safe. I've had to give up what my idea of esthetics is where my daughter is concerned....geez, she's lived in a place with no water for over a year!! Well, if it were me I would say no roommates. That is just my opinion based on my own experience, but that unknown person will be on your property and you won't be there. I would make sure that I felt safe and make that my priority, not what my son wants, but what I want. You are offering him a place to stay, it is your home, you get to make the rules. I have felt that people need to contribute SOMETHING, whether it's rent or work but otherwise resentment builds on both sides, he should have something he has to offer for a living space. I can't tell you how long I ruminated and railed against that too Copa. Sigh. I know how you feel. Yes it sucks, but from my point of view, it is necessary for US so we can let go and accept what is. I was just listening to yet another CD by Eckhart Tolle and one of his favorite quotes is "if you don't like something in your life you have 3 choices, change it, leave it or accept it. Anything else is insanity." I know I can't change my daughter and I can't leave her, so all that is left is to accept it........clearly the hardest choice too. Ahhhh, Copa, thank you for saying that.......I've had to do a bit of work too to feel that security in my dreams. I know exactly what you mean. Thanks for asking Copa. Well, as you know, I retired last year and I made a hard choice then to wait one entire year before I made any big choices. During the year my husband and I have talked about many options. As the year progressed, my daughter and granddaughter were doing better and that made a huge difference to clear the road ahead. In addition I needed to go through the grief of letting go of my career, and then fear emerged about the void left in my life without work and parenting.....so I've been busy on an inner journey too. It's been a year of intense changes internally and externally. I put myself first for the first time and you may recall, we began a whole new dietary experiment with no dairy, sugar, meat and processed foods as well as a very good exercise program.......so we are in very good health.......we completed our wills......we organized the house and got rid of a lot of stuff we didn't need.......the year has been kind of an in-between time, the old is gone, the new hasn't arrived yet.....so I spent the year getting healthier, and on pretty much all levels cleaning up my life. Like you, we're looking at the possibility of selling the house and moving.....to another country? Maybe, more research is required. I am on a bunch of sites where older folks are RV'ing, traveling the world, living abroad, it's been fun to look at all of that. I see this time as the talking about options time......now that we got a lot out of the way, it is getting closer to a time of movement, but not quite yet. Right now we're considering going to Kauai (our favorite place on the planet) for an extended time, sort of to rest, soak in the beauty and that incredible balmy air, and think about options. But that wouldn't be until after the New Year anyway. I've even thought about going back to school! I think if things had been different, I would have ventured more to art and writing......I love school so that would be fun too. Many years ago I took a workshop where the facilitator gave us this way of looking at options.....first you have what he called "conversations for possibilities." That is where my husband and I are right now. And, it's way fun to have these conversations too! After you get through with that stage, you then have "conversations for action." That's the next step for us......but that may be next year some time, I am not interested in rushing......I want to uncover my buried desires and really make sure I am focused on what it is I truly want. I read something the other day that made sense to me, " to live a soul driven life where your intention is to create harmony, cooperation, sharing and a reverence for life." The author talked about a "sacred task" and "authentic power" which all resonated with me as well. I'm reading books that are helping me negotiate this new life. I started with a new therapist who is helping me create a vision with the steps necessary to create this new life. So I am in this fully now......As my husband jokingly says to me all the time now, "it's all about YOU now!" I live in Northern California, so I hear you! We are in a similar situation.....We've thought about taking a few months and a long road trip and going to different states/towns which we like and renting a small place for a few months and then traveling around that area to see if that would work on a permanent basis for us. We love the south, Savannah, Charleston, the small islands off of Georgia......but I'm not sure that would be a good fit.....hence the short stay. We could just keep on moving around the US for awhile checking out towns and staying for awhile.....and then moving on. I read about a couple who bought an RV and trucked around for awhile, started a blog and then left the country to live in various other countries......they evolved in their original travel plan. Great question Copa, thanks. I think I've been shedding that skin now for about 5 years, ever since my daughters life blew apart. The changes I made during that time placed me in a very different zone and that zone made this new thinking possible. I believe in being open to what is next but doing my homework as well. Yes, it is definitely a surrender, a letting go.......the old life is gone, perhaps this whole life as I know it is gone......maybe selling the house and taking off is exactly the right thing to do.......I'm not quite there yet. Travel is probably my favorite thing to do, so I am seeking that kind of adventure, but with a certain amount of comfort since my days of staying in youth hostels is long gone! Having traveled a good amount, I know how each step leads you somewhere else......if you have no agenda or time constraints you can show up for what happens in an open way and go with it. I read this the other day and it felt important to me......it is what I want and what I seek...."The outer path we take is public knowledge, but the path with heart is an inner one. The two come together when who we are that is seen in the world coincides with who we deeply are. As we grow wiser, we become aware that the important forks in the road are usually not about choices that will show up on any public record; they are decisions and struggles to do with choosing love or fear; anger or forgiveness; pride or humility. They are soul shaping choices." "May you know which path has heart and have the courage to take it." I'm not sure I've ever had my outer path and my inner path coincide and I'm determined to live that way now. As I read, research and talk to my husband, insights and awarenesses are coming forth.....giving me clues as to what this next stage of life will look like. I'm preparing for it now. I can understand your concerns about M and his undocumented status. What are your options? The new political climate may alter our plans a tad, I'm not sure yet..... Thanks for the opportunity to gain a little more clarity Copa.......it's a whole new world out there for you and I.......[I]let's go for it![/I]:) [/QUOTE]
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