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Parent Emeritus
Broken and despairing. Bereft. No hope left.
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 702982" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>Recently we went through something with our Difficult Child and we had to use detachment skills. She was about to embark on something that very well could have left her homeless. Horrible, frightening judgment skills. It leaves you gut wrenched. I sometimes wonder if she has the ability to understand what she is doing in the moment she is doing it. I ask "would we allow our child to make these decisions if she were retarded?" And of course the answer would be "NO!" But, then I think to myself, I do believe somewhere in there, she does understand that she is making a poor choice. The closest I can compare this to is when I've been sick with a medical problem, have pain, on strong medication, gone into a depression...etc. During times like this, I will defer to my husband temporarily for any major decisions. It is a decent comparison, but not an ideal one. Because her very judgment is off. Sometimes, I can get her to defer to a very close childhood friend. Basically NEVER to my judgment. I can sometimes say to her "please call your friend X and ask her what she would recommend you do in this particular case." If she does that...this is wonderful....nine times out of ten she will listen to her friend. In this particular case, we bargained with her. She had many complaints, most were not particularly valid. BUT, one was somewhat logical. So, we concentrated on that one. We agreed to help her out with the complaint she had that made some sense and we agreed to do it IMMEDIATELY in exchange for her staying put. She was willing to give up a nice condo to move into a bad area with bad people with no money blah blah blah over nothing. We made her the offer and kept a detached, cool head doing it. It worked. Don't know if any of this applies, but it ended up working out for our situation.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 702982, member: 4152"] Recently we went through something with our Difficult Child and we had to use detachment skills. She was about to embark on something that very well could have left her homeless. Horrible, frightening judgment skills. It leaves you gut wrenched. I sometimes wonder if she has the ability to understand what she is doing in the moment she is doing it. I ask "would we allow our child to make these decisions if she were retarded?" And of course the answer would be "NO!" But, then I think to myself, I do believe somewhere in there, she does understand that she is making a poor choice. The closest I can compare this to is when I've been sick with a medical problem, have pain, on strong medication, gone into a depression...etc. During times like this, I will defer to my husband temporarily for any major decisions. It is a decent comparison, but not an ideal one. Because her very judgment is off. Sometimes, I can get her to defer to a very close childhood friend. Basically NEVER to my judgment. I can sometimes say to her "please call your friend X and ask her what she would recommend you do in this particular case." If she does that...this is wonderful....nine times out of ten she will listen to her friend. In this particular case, we bargained with her. She had many complaints, most were not particularly valid. BUT, one was somewhat logical. So, we concentrated on that one. We agreed to help her out with the complaint she had that made some sense and we agreed to do it IMMEDIATELY in exchange for her staying put. She was willing to give up a nice condo to move into a bad area with bad people with no money blah blah blah over nothing. We made her the offer and kept a detached, cool head doing it. It worked. Don't know if any of this applies, but it ended up working out for our situation. [/QUOTE]
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Broken and despairing. Bereft. No hope left.
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