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Brokenhearted
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 672956" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>This is tough, I know because it is the same for me. My hubs has a hard time, especially with my eldest, she was his favorite when the kids were little.</p><p>What happens is called triangulation. This means your son may try to use this to manipulate.</p><p>I do not think it is a bad thing to take food to your son on Thanksgiving, or consider him coming to where you are. This is your process and yours alone. You have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror.</p><p>Guilt does not help you. What does help is to review your posts, journals, memories of what has happened. Nobody knows what it is to be in your shoes. Having a disrespectful adult child in the home is unacceptable. He is young, but as you say, resourceful. He will learn much more from this than he would have if he stayed. He now has a chance to grow and become a responsible adult.</p><p>You are doing great. It does not feel good setting boundaries and letting go. It goes against our nurturing instinct.</p><p>I know how it feels to fight with this instinct but it feels way worse to have a sullen, disrespectful adult child living in our home.</p><p>Hang in there Hopeful and don't be so hard on yourself. The Holidays make things a bit tougher on all of us.</p><p>Take care</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 672956, member: 19522"] This is tough, I know because it is the same for me. My hubs has a hard time, especially with my eldest, she was his favorite when the kids were little. What happens is called triangulation. This means your son may try to use this to manipulate. I do not think it is a bad thing to take food to your son on Thanksgiving, or consider him coming to where you are. This is your process and yours alone. You have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror. Guilt does not help you. What does help is to review your posts, journals, memories of what has happened. Nobody knows what it is to be in your shoes. Having a disrespectful adult child in the home is unacceptable. He is young, but as you say, resourceful. He will learn much more from this than he would have if he stayed. He now has a chance to grow and become a responsible adult. You are doing great. It does not feel good setting boundaries and letting go. It goes against our nurturing instinct. I know how it feels to fight with this instinct but it feels way worse to have a sullen, disrespectful adult child living in our home. Hang in there Hopeful and don't be so hard on yourself. The Holidays make things a bit tougher on all of us. Take care (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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