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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 673774" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Ohhhh Hopeful, my heart goes out to you. When my daughter showed up bloodied and disheveled, it took every ounce of my being to resist letting her stay. I am glad for the work I have done here, because it helped me to remain firm. We have been enabling her, off and on, since she was 18. She is now 36. You and your husband do not want to go through this for another 18 years, Hopeful. You did the right thing. You are doing the right thing.</p><p> I know the feelings of sadness, let it out, it is okay, you need to get it out.</p><p></p><p> This was kind of you Hopeful, it is a part of <em>loving detachment</em>. We are not cruel to our d cs, but we do stick to the necessary boundaries we set.</p><p></p><p> You are correct, nothing has changed. It is too soon.</p><p>Just Thanksgiving, you experienced the other side of your son. Now, he is hurt and desperate, so of course he will flip the switch to tug at your heart strings. You are correct to stand firm. </p><p></p><p>He has abused your home and the both of you. It is wrong.</p><p></p><p> Hold this in the forefront of you mind, Hopeful. Our hearts do break, each time we are faced with this. It is an emotional roller coaster. You have been so strong, you are strong. You have set your boundaries and done the best thing for you, your husband, and your son. It doesn't feel like it now, but it is the truth. If you let him stay, and things continued to escalate, I shudder to think of the possibilities Hopeful, I really do. </p><p></p><p>So, back to one day, one step at a time. Take deep breaths.</p><p></p><p>There is help out there for your son. There are clinics.</p><p></p><p>He is 18, how the heck did his tooth break off? What did he get himself into?</p><p></p><p>We cannot keep rescuing our kids from the situations they get themselves into, they will never learn otherwise.</p><p></p><p>Your son is only 18, this is true, but his disrespect of his parents, your home, the destruction and destructive behavior is unacceptable.</p><p>His being out there is a direct consequence of HIS actions.</p><p>This, is what we need to concentrate on, when we are facing the battle between head and heart.</p><p>That is what I had to do, when I sent my daughter down the road. I offered to take her to a rehab, shelter, or a DV shelter. She refused. She went out the door, then it started pouring rain, Hopeful. I was besides myself.</p><p></p><p>She showed up yesterday, a completely different person.</p><p></p><p>I have been struggling with this, and she is out there, getting high.</p><p>She was different yesterday, because she was high, I will not delude myself. She does not want to change, yet. My hubs is like yours. He will put up with the absolute crap, because he loves his daughter. I will not. It doesn't help anyone, most of all HER.</p><p></p><p>Keep standing firm, and, keep walking through this storm, you are not alone, we are not alone. </p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]x3aGlKYlEiY[/MEDIA]</p><p></p><p>For all of the darkness, there will be light.</p><p></p><p></p><p>You are doing the correct thing, Hopeful. Take it from one who has had to learn the hard way. 18 years of this enabling. In and out the revolving door of our home, each time, we put up with increasingly destructive behavior, lying, stealing, laziness, inviting street friends of all sorts to our home, when we were at work, breaking into our house, breaking our hearts.</p><p></p><p>Your son has a far better chance of changing his life, by your standing firm.</p><p>Feel your sadness, it is important to get it out. Then, reach into your toolbox to brush yourself off, and keep on keeping on. </p><p>Stay the course. </p><p></p><p>Your strength and determination, will help your husband, and ultimately, your son.</p><p></p><p>Stay the course, Hopeful, you did the right thing.</p><p></p><p>Keep strong and steady. Take time for yourself, and do good things for you. Build yourself up, talk with your sister, she sounds like a good support. Talk with your Pastor. </p><p>Pray.</p><p> Give it to God, and pray for your son. </p><p>We have faith and hope with a higher power. All things are possible through Him.</p><p></p><p>I pray for your peace, peace of heart and mind.</p><p></p><p>You are doing this, we are doing it, one day, one step at a time.</p><p></p><p>Take care dear, you will get through this. We will get through this, you are not alone.</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 673774, member: 19522"] Ohhhh Hopeful, my heart goes out to you. When my daughter showed up bloodied and disheveled, it took every ounce of my being to resist letting her stay. I am glad for the work I have done here, because it helped me to remain firm. We have been enabling her, off and on, since she was 18. She is now 36. You and your husband do not want to go through this for another 18 years, Hopeful. You did the right thing. You are doing the right thing. I know the feelings of sadness, let it out, it is okay, you need to get it out. This was kind of you Hopeful, it is a part of [I]loving detachment[/I]. We are not cruel to our d cs, but we do stick to the necessary boundaries we set. You are correct, nothing has changed. It is too soon. Just Thanksgiving, you experienced the other side of your son. Now, he is hurt and desperate, so of course he will flip the switch to tug at your heart strings. You are correct to stand firm. He has abused your home and the both of you. It is wrong. Hold this in the forefront of you mind, Hopeful. Our hearts do break, each time we are faced with this. It is an emotional roller coaster. You have been so strong, you are strong. You have set your boundaries and done the best thing for you, your husband, and your son. It doesn't feel like it now, but it is the truth. If you let him stay, and things continued to escalate, I shudder to think of the possibilities Hopeful, I really do. So, back to one day, one step at a time. Take deep breaths. There is help out there for your son. There are clinics. He is 18, how the heck did his tooth break off? What did he get himself into? We cannot keep rescuing our kids from the situations they get themselves into, they will never learn otherwise. Your son is only 18, this is true, but his disrespect of his parents, your home, the destruction and destructive behavior is unacceptable. His being out there is a direct consequence of HIS actions. This, is what we need to concentrate on, when we are facing the battle between head and heart. That is what I had to do, when I sent my daughter down the road. I offered to take her to a rehab, shelter, or a DV shelter. She refused. She went out the door, then it started pouring rain, Hopeful. I was besides myself. She showed up yesterday, a completely different person. I have been struggling with this, and she is out there, getting high. She was different yesterday, because she was high, I will not delude myself. She does not want to change, yet. My hubs is like yours. He will put up with the absolute crap, because he loves his daughter. I will not. It doesn't help anyone, most of all HER. Keep standing firm, and, keep walking through this storm, you are not alone, we are not alone. [MEDIA=youtube]x3aGlKYlEiY[/MEDIA] For all of the darkness, there will be light. You are doing the correct thing, Hopeful. Take it from one who has had to learn the hard way. 18 years of this enabling. In and out the revolving door of our home, each time, we put up with increasingly destructive behavior, lying, stealing, laziness, inviting street friends of all sorts to our home, when we were at work, breaking into our house, breaking our hearts. Your son has a far better chance of changing his life, by your standing firm. Feel your sadness, it is important to get it out. Then, reach into your toolbox to brush yourself off, and keep on keeping on. Stay the course. Your strength and determination, will help your husband, and ultimately, your son. Stay the course, Hopeful, you did the right thing. Keep strong and steady. Take time for yourself, and do good things for you. Build yourself up, talk with your sister, she sounds like a good support. Talk with your Pastor. Pray. Give it to God, and pray for your son. We have faith and hope with a higher power. All things are possible through Him. I pray for your peace, peace of heart and mind. You are doing this, we are doing it, one day, one step at a time. Take care dear, you will get through this. We will get through this, you are not alone. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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