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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 674208" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Hopeful, you have been under siege and I am sure you are completely spent. Hang in there. Nancy gives you good thinking above. It's helpful FOR US when we can have something to offer---something in the way of a list of resources (shelter, free food, health clinic, clothes closet) that they can go to. They don't like it, because they want US to do it all for them, but it makes us feel better.</p><p></p><p>Also, if you can, write down a list of a few things you can say to him and have it handy:</p><p></p><p>1. I'm sorry, but we aren't giving you any more money.</p><p>2. I love you.</p><p>3. I'm sure you will figure things out.</p><p>4. Call us in a few days. </p><p>5. Oh. </p><p>6. Really.</p><p>7. That's interesting.</p><p>8. No, I'm sorry, we can't do that (whatever it is).</p><p>9. Well, if that's how you feel, okay (when they are blaming us).</p><p>10. That may be true. (this is good to say every time they say something outrageous). </p><p></p><p>I learned to whip out my list of things to say and work like the dickens to stick to it, no matter how much cursing and blaming and bs I heard from him. Just keep it slow and simple and keep on reading up and down the list. That really helped me when things were at all-time crazy. </p><p></p><p>I'm glad your husband may be coming around. It's so much better when both parents are on the same page.</p><p></p><p>It doesn't mean this still doesn't hurt and that you aren't scared for your son. Don't expect those feelings to change. Just feel them, but work hard not to act on them. And if you do, that's okay too. </p><p></p><p>This is a marathon, not a sprint. We're here for you. I hope your husband and you are both feeling better today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 674208, member: 17542"] Hopeful, you have been under siege and I am sure you are completely spent. Hang in there. Nancy gives you good thinking above. It's helpful FOR US when we can have something to offer---something in the way of a list of resources (shelter, free food, health clinic, clothes closet) that they can go to. They don't like it, because they want US to do it all for them, but it makes us feel better. Also, if you can, write down a list of a few things you can say to him and have it handy: 1. I'm sorry, but we aren't giving you any more money. 2. I love you. 3. I'm sure you will figure things out. 4. Call us in a few days. 5. Oh. 6. Really. 7. That's interesting. 8. No, I'm sorry, we can't do that (whatever it is). 9. Well, if that's how you feel, okay (when they are blaming us). 10. That may be true. (this is good to say every time they say something outrageous). I learned to whip out my list of things to say and work like the dickens to stick to it, no matter how much cursing and blaming and bs I heard from him. Just keep it slow and simple and keep on reading up and down the list. That really helped me when things were at all-time crazy. I'm glad your husband may be coming around. It's so much better when both parents are on the same page. It doesn't mean this still doesn't hurt and that you aren't scared for your son. Don't expect those feelings to change. Just feel them, but work hard not to act on them. And if you do, that's okay too. This is a marathon, not a sprint. We're here for you. I hope your husband and you are both feeling better today. [/QUOTE]
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