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Substance Abuse
Brother not my child
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 754382" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>Hi. I am sorry you felt a need to post here. I feel your pain and am sad for your hurting heart. We are dealing with adult kids but I will send you prayers and tell you what I think.</p><p></p><p> I hope you are going to Al Anon. If not, that is my first suggestion. I feel the program really helps the enablers, maybe moreso than the addicts. We need to learn to let go and take care of ourselves first. in my opinion that's what would be best for you and your brother. Yes, best for him too.b</p><p></p><p>At age 60 he has probably been drinking a mind boggling amount of years. Decades. Yet he is still alive and his liver isn't shot. in my opinion he is old enough to take care of his own problems. At his age he may not quit until death. </p><p></p><p>Meanwhile you are not a kid anymore and have healthy loved ones. You do not need to take care of a man who is 60 and still drinks. There are rooms and low income places he can live on Disability. If not, there are homeless shelters and social workers can help him out and do more than you can. Because you can't do anything. He is not going to obey what you want him to do nor listen to your house rules even though you were beyond gracious to take him in.</p><p></p><p>Using addicts do not change. They do not feel gratitude. They are not kind. They don't help themselves on our timetables and I really wonder if your brother will ever get help. He is running out of time for a sober life at all. You don't have to go down the rabbit hole with him. You can still enjoy your golden years. Without him to babysit for.</p><p></p><p>I think your brother was smart. It's about time.</p><p></p><p>Of course this is up to you. It's just my ideas.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry that your brother decided to stay actively drinking and to take his family with him. But it's up to you if you play his game or not. You can not fix him. Nobody has been able to all this time. I suspect you have all suffered a lot all your lives over this brother. But you can decide to stop now. Or not.</p><p></p><p>I have a daughter who is addicted. She is 33. We finally stopped helping her. It was and is hard, but I can finally breathe. Yes, I feel guilty, but my husband and I have done more than try to save her. Now she has to save herself. Her sister is now caring for her child. It is a sad thing to watch a loved one who is addicted.</p><p></p><p>I send you more prayers and gentle hugs. This is hard.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 754382, member: 23706"] Hi. I am sorry you felt a need to post here. I feel your pain and am sad for your hurting heart. We are dealing with adult kids but I will send you prayers and tell you what I think. I hope you are going to Al Anon. If not, that is my first suggestion. I feel the program really helps the enablers, maybe moreso than the addicts. We need to learn to let go and take care of ourselves first. in my opinion that's what would be best for you and your brother. Yes, best for him too.b At age 60 he has probably been drinking a mind boggling amount of years. Decades. Yet he is still alive and his liver isn't shot. in my opinion he is old enough to take care of his own problems. At his age he may not quit until death. Meanwhile you are not a kid anymore and have healthy loved ones. You do not need to take care of a man who is 60 and still drinks. There are rooms and low income places he can live on Disability. If not, there are homeless shelters and social workers can help him out and do more than you can. Because you can't do anything. He is not going to obey what you want him to do nor listen to your house rules even though you were beyond gracious to take him in. Using addicts do not change. They do not feel gratitude. They are not kind. They don't help themselves on our timetables and I really wonder if your brother will ever get help. He is running out of time for a sober life at all. You don't have to go down the rabbit hole with him. You can still enjoy your golden years. Without him to babysit for. I think your brother was smart. It's about time. Of course this is up to you. It's just my ideas. I am sorry that your brother decided to stay actively drinking and to take his family with him. But it's up to you if you play his game or not. You can not fix him. Nobody has been able to all this time. I suspect you have all suffered a lot all your lives over this brother. But you can decide to stop now. Or not. I have a daughter who is addicted. She is 33. We finally stopped helping her. It was and is hard, but I can finally breathe. Yes, I feel guilty, but my husband and I have done more than try to save her. Now she has to save herself. Her sister is now caring for her child. It is a sad thing to watch a loved one who is addicted. I send you more prayers and gentle hugs. This is hard. [/QUOTE]
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