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Bullying by peers even worse for mental health than abuse by parents
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 655809" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Bystanders are not so much afraid of the bully, they are more often entertained by the show bully and bullied give them. And they encourage bully to continue.</p><p></p><p>I have never met so nice kid that they would not have engaged to bullying in any way. I wasn't one, neither was any of my friends or classmates (and I had lots of those, changing schools three times a year at worst.) I have met lots of kids and adults who do not recognize that they were bullying others. When saying a mean thing or sharing a gossip on someone is not bullying, if you and that person are on equal grounds, and something basically everyone engages to, it becomes part of bullying, when the person you do it, is much lower in pecking order and bullied already.</p><p></p><p>In every school I ever attended there were always some kid or kids, who were total outcast in everyone's eyes. For example in one school there was a boy in my class, though not sharing any classes with me, whose name most likely was not 'Puke', but that was an only name I heard for him. Rumours were going around how he used to peek to girls locker room (no, absolutely no idea if there was any truth in that rumour, most likely not or it was something that happened years before and been a totally innocent prank or something other boys had sicced him) and it was common that all the girls would start to shriek if we saw him even close to lockers during our gym class (which, considering that boys lockers were next to those, school library on the other side and if you looked out of the window there were bicycle stands was not that uncommon.) I did refer him as 'Puke' like everyone else and would notify others if I saw him close to our locker room. And that was bullying.</p><p></p><p>In other school there was this girl, who according the rumour mill was using drugs and sleeping around and was mean. They also told how she had cut the hair of an other girl in the school. Again, no idea how much was true, but no one talked with her, many pretended they couldn't touch her or anything she had touched, because that would apparently give you a STD. There were rumours going on how she had an abortion when she was missing school for few days and she was called with nasty names. And when she was smoking self rolled cigs behind the school (like quite a few others) some went to tell to a teacher, how she was having pot at school (and teachers even called the police.) After that it was a known fact she was a druggie and none of the good kids would talk to her even at class.</p><p></p><p>I attended both of those schools less than a year and really don't know what happened to these kids and how much of everything was true. Neither of them would likely even remember me. Still I was a bully who bullied both of them.</p><p></p><p>And that is kind of problem. If a kid just spares rumours, doesn't talk to someone, giggles to them and things like that, they do not recognize they are part of bullying that kid. Nor do they recognize that if they would just stop it, the kids who do their 'dirty work' for them wouldn't feel encouraged and rewarded for it and most would stop. And that is how bullying would stop.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 655809, member: 14557"] Bystanders are not so much afraid of the bully, they are more often entertained by the show bully and bullied give them. And they encourage bully to continue. I have never met so nice kid that they would not have engaged to bullying in any way. I wasn't one, neither was any of my friends or classmates (and I had lots of those, changing schools three times a year at worst.) I have met lots of kids and adults who do not recognize that they were bullying others. When saying a mean thing or sharing a gossip on someone is not bullying, if you and that person are on equal grounds, and something basically everyone engages to, it becomes part of bullying, when the person you do it, is much lower in pecking order and bullied already. In every school I ever attended there were always some kid or kids, who were total outcast in everyone's eyes. For example in one school there was a boy in my class, though not sharing any classes with me, whose name most likely was not 'Puke', but that was an only name I heard for him. Rumours were going around how he used to peek to girls locker room (no, absolutely no idea if there was any truth in that rumour, most likely not or it was something that happened years before and been a totally innocent prank or something other boys had sicced him) and it was common that all the girls would start to shriek if we saw him even close to lockers during our gym class (which, considering that boys lockers were next to those, school library on the other side and if you looked out of the window there were bicycle stands was not that uncommon.) I did refer him as 'Puke' like everyone else and would notify others if I saw him close to our locker room. And that was bullying. In other school there was this girl, who according the rumour mill was using drugs and sleeping around and was mean. They also told how she had cut the hair of an other girl in the school. Again, no idea how much was true, but no one talked with her, many pretended they couldn't touch her or anything she had touched, because that would apparently give you a STD. There were rumours going on how she had an abortion when she was missing school for few days and she was called with nasty names. And when she was smoking self rolled cigs behind the school (like quite a few others) some went to tell to a teacher, how she was having pot at school (and teachers even called the police.) After that it was a known fact she was a druggie and none of the good kids would talk to her even at class. I attended both of those schools less than a year and really don't know what happened to these kids and how much of everything was true. Neither of them would likely even remember me. Still I was a bully who bullied both of them. And that is kind of problem. If a kid just spares rumours, doesn't talk to someone, giggles to them and things like that, they do not recognize they are part of bullying that kid. Nor do they recognize that if they would just stop it, the kids who do their 'dirty work' for them wouldn't feel encouraged and rewarded for it and most would stop. And that is how bullying would stop. [/QUOTE]
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