Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Bullying?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 236869" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>MyHrt, You certainly are wise to see the problem. If I had a dime for every parent who told me that "MY child would NEVER....." I would be able to buy Bill Gates! And I am not a teacher oor employed by a school in ANY capacity. But I am up at school frequently and I speak with a lot of parents. </p><p></p><p>Anyway, one way to help stop the bullying is to NEVER spank your children. What a normal kids learns from spanking is that they should not DARE to do that thing. What a difficult child learns from any kind of corporal punishment is that if they are bigger or have authority over someone then they can hit them if the person does not behave.</p><p></p><p>Daisy, you are NOT alone in having problems with your difficult child in martial arts. Wiz used to BEG for lessons. I kept saying no, even though EVERY psychiatrist, therapist, teacher, etc... SWORE to me that martial arts would teach him discipline and self control. </p><p></p><p>We enrolled Jessie in martial arts because Wiz was very violent with her and much bigger than she was. We wanted her to have the tools to fight back and stop him (we were at our wit's end with how to fix this!). Jessie LOVED martial arts. After 2 months we finally enrolled difficult child, mostly because my parents were very insistent. </p><p></p><p>What did we learn from martial arts? That no matter how many tools Jessie had, she was NOT going to hit her brother because she loved him and she believed (at 5) that "you don't hurt someone you love so you don't hit them. Even if they hit you." This is a direct quote from her - it has stuck in my mind for years.</p><p></p><p> Having Wiz in martial arts (same dojo, excellent instructors, some were in the Olympics tryouts) was a total and complete DISASTER. He learned better way to hurt someone. Even when he would use those ways on Jessie she would not fight back. Wiz tried to do one of the kicks on ME and I grabbed that leg and dropped him on the floor. (It was well padded because he had JUST dumped 2 loads of clean laundry on the - floor looking for something and kicked me for telling him to clean it up!) He had martial arts the next day and I made him tell Sensei what he had done. Sensei said that using martial arts on anyone outside the dojo is extremely dangerous and Wiz clearly could not handle what he was learning. I had already decided to pull Wiz out of the classes, but Sensei told Wiz that because he tried to kick his mother he lost the privilege of taking ANY classes at his dojo for at least a year. In a year, if he had NEVER hurt someone, then he could try classes again. Sensei even called monthly to ask Wiz how he was at home and school and then ask ME how he was at home and school. </p><p></p><p>Wiz never took another class. He is scared now that if he learned martial arts he might get angry and use it on someone, and he is 17 and a very very strong person. I am proud he could come to that conclusion and make a good choice.</p><p></p><p>Sorry to thread jack there, back to bullying. To help stop the bullying, check the info on his medications and have his thyroid checked. Docs often do not read the prescribing info that is in the packages. Doctors also decline to acknowledge problems that they cannot see for themselves. A camcorder, or even the recorder on your cell phone? That will rule out or in some causes for bullying. It will also help the doctor see that the behaviors you describe are real. </p><p></p><p>Then do role playing where he is the bullied one and you are the bully. Talk about it afterwords, ask him how he felt a certain problem (name calling, being forced to give something to someone else, etc..) causes others to feel.</p><p></p><p>I would also seek out sensory things that calm him. Many docs don't know much about sensory problems, especially sensory integration disorder. If a child is having sensory problems they may be likely to do whatever they think they need to in order to make the sensory input stop ASAP. These are best diagnosed by a PRIVATE Occupational Therapist. Schools do have Occupational Therapist (OT)'s, but they are mostly just looking at ways sensory problems will impact academics, not just other problems caused by sensory integration. Private Occupational Therapist (OT)'s work for YOU and will give you a more complete picture of the ways sensory problems are hurting your child.</p><p></p><p>Many of our kids have sensory integration problems, or what I call sensory "quirks". Making sure they have appropriate sensory diets can really help with a LOT of problems. You may want to skim "the out of sync child" - it is excellent, but is very technical in some parts. I would get it from the library to see if it is something you want to buy or not. The author is Carol Kranowitz. She also has a book called "The Out of Sync Child Has Fun". This is a good investment, in my opinion. It has a LOT of activities and tells you what sensory things it helps. It also is packed with ways to do these activities with very little $$. As you read the Has Fun book, look at the activities and see which ones your difficult child already does or would have fun doing. Then look at what needs they fill. This will give you some ideas as to where his sensory problems are. </p><p></p><p>I found when we had the private Occupational Therapist (OT) session that the things she recommended as activities were often things that I already knew he liked. With that, and the Occupational Therapist (OT) report, we were able to create a Sensory Diet that helped my son quite a lot.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I hope you can help your son learn not to bully anyone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 236869, member: 1233"] MyHrt, You certainly are wise to see the problem. If I had a dime for every parent who told me that "MY child would NEVER....." I would be able to buy Bill Gates! And I am not a teacher oor employed by a school in ANY capacity. But I am up at school frequently and I speak with a lot of parents. Anyway, one way to help stop the bullying is to NEVER spank your children. What a normal kids learns from spanking is that they should not DARE to do that thing. What a difficult child learns from any kind of corporal punishment is that if they are bigger or have authority over someone then they can hit them if the person does not behave. Daisy, you are NOT alone in having problems with your difficult child in martial arts. Wiz used to BEG for lessons. I kept saying no, even though EVERY psychiatrist, therapist, teacher, etc... SWORE to me that martial arts would teach him discipline and self control. We enrolled Jessie in martial arts because Wiz was very violent with her and much bigger than she was. We wanted her to have the tools to fight back and stop him (we were at our wit's end with how to fix this!). Jessie LOVED martial arts. After 2 months we finally enrolled difficult child, mostly because my parents were very insistent. What did we learn from martial arts? That no matter how many tools Jessie had, she was NOT going to hit her brother because she loved him and she believed (at 5) that "you don't hurt someone you love so you don't hit them. Even if they hit you." This is a direct quote from her - it has stuck in my mind for years. Having Wiz in martial arts (same dojo, excellent instructors, some were in the Olympics tryouts) was a total and complete DISASTER. He learned better way to hurt someone. Even when he would use those ways on Jessie she would not fight back. Wiz tried to do one of the kicks on ME and I grabbed that leg and dropped him on the floor. (It was well padded because he had JUST dumped 2 loads of clean laundry on the - floor looking for something and kicked me for telling him to clean it up!) He had martial arts the next day and I made him tell Sensei what he had done. Sensei said that using martial arts on anyone outside the dojo is extremely dangerous and Wiz clearly could not handle what he was learning. I had already decided to pull Wiz out of the classes, but Sensei told Wiz that because he tried to kick his mother he lost the privilege of taking ANY classes at his dojo for at least a year. In a year, if he had NEVER hurt someone, then he could try classes again. Sensei even called monthly to ask Wiz how he was at home and school and then ask ME how he was at home and school. Wiz never took another class. He is scared now that if he learned martial arts he might get angry and use it on someone, and he is 17 and a very very strong person. I am proud he could come to that conclusion and make a good choice. Sorry to thread jack there, back to bullying. To help stop the bullying, check the info on his medications and have his thyroid checked. Docs often do not read the prescribing info that is in the packages. Doctors also decline to acknowledge problems that they cannot see for themselves. A camcorder, or even the recorder on your cell phone? That will rule out or in some causes for bullying. It will also help the doctor see that the behaviors you describe are real. Then do role playing where he is the bullied one and you are the bully. Talk about it afterwords, ask him how he felt a certain problem (name calling, being forced to give something to someone else, etc..) causes others to feel. I would also seek out sensory things that calm him. Many docs don't know much about sensory problems, especially sensory integration disorder. If a child is having sensory problems they may be likely to do whatever they think they need to in order to make the sensory input stop ASAP. These are best diagnosed by a PRIVATE Occupational Therapist. Schools do have Occupational Therapist (OT)'s, but they are mostly just looking at ways sensory problems will impact academics, not just other problems caused by sensory integration. Private Occupational Therapist (OT)'s work for YOU and will give you a more complete picture of the ways sensory problems are hurting your child. Many of our kids have sensory integration problems, or what I call sensory "quirks". Making sure they have appropriate sensory diets can really help with a LOT of problems. You may want to skim "the out of sync child" - it is excellent, but is very technical in some parts. I would get it from the library to see if it is something you want to buy or not. The author is Carol Kranowitz. She also has a book called "The Out of Sync Child Has Fun". This is a good investment, in my opinion. It has a LOT of activities and tells you what sensory things it helps. It also is packed with ways to do these activities with very little $$. As you read the Has Fun book, look at the activities and see which ones your difficult child already does or would have fun doing. Then look at what needs they fill. This will give you some ideas as to where his sensory problems are. I found when we had the private Occupational Therapist (OT) session that the things she recommended as activities were often things that I already knew he liked. With that, and the Occupational Therapist (OT) report, we were able to create a Sensory Diet that helped my son quite a lot. I hope you can help your son learn not to bully anyone. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Bullying?
Top