Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
but...but...but...but...but
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 173471" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>Wyntersgrace, I am sorry for offending with the "normal child'. I guess I sometimes struggle to know what is normal and what is not for my kids and find support when someone tells me something is normal or atleast something about it is normal - like you said it is how Wynter deals with life, not where she is at that makes her life harder. It is frustrating when the real expert (you) know something is not where it should be and the "professionals" wont listen because your child doesn't fit criteria they have set up. They are saying, "Doesn't fit our criteria" instead of looking at "doesn't fit normal what can it be, how can we help?"</p><p> </p><p>I can strongly relate with the dependence on mom. When my difficult child was in the psychiatric hospital, an activity they had him do was to collage a line of fears/anxieties (sickness, injury, school work, nightmares, whatever). He was then to collage next to each what made him feel better when facing these. The SW gave me a little scolding on this one because next to every single one was a picture of a lady representing me. I wasn't surprised. </p><p> </p><p>As the days and years go on we find ourselves unknowingly doing things that we do not need to do. Like tying the shoes, we get in the habit and often in too much of a hurry to let the child tie their own shoes and one day we wake up and they are far beyond doing so themselves or like in your case, they knew how but enjoyed mom's attention in even this little task. We know it is a dangerous world out there so we encourage our children to always come to us when they have a problem (trying to prepare them for teen years to know we will help). difficult children tend to take this support too literally - mom will solve everything! And as they grow into that belief we unknowingly fall into doing so, not on purpose, just by quiet nature.</p><p> </p><p>Wynter loves how you have helped her. You love her and have chosen to do what a loving mother does. She is trying to figure out how to grow up but still feel that you will continue doing all the little things we do for young children but need to stop doing once they start being more independent. difficult children don't understand why parents stop the tieing of shoes, the giving of baths, ect. Instead of seeing it as independence on their part, they see us as being mean.</p><p> </p><p>This may not sound like I want to explain it - just to know what a confusing age she is at and sometimes the harder teenagers try to push you away, the harder they are crying on the inside wanting you to stay closer than ever. They are confused and then when they add difficult child characteristics to the mix, it even gets scary to feel that independence.</p><p> </p><p>You are doing a great job. I do learn alot from you and I have a feeling that as Wynter goes through these next few years, I will be learning even more through your experiences.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 173471, member: 5096"] Wyntersgrace, I am sorry for offending with the "normal child'. I guess I sometimes struggle to know what is normal and what is not for my kids and find support when someone tells me something is normal or atleast something about it is normal - like you said it is how Wynter deals with life, not where she is at that makes her life harder. It is frustrating when the real expert (you) know something is not where it should be and the "professionals" wont listen because your child doesn't fit criteria they have set up. They are saying, "Doesn't fit our criteria" instead of looking at "doesn't fit normal what can it be, how can we help?" I can strongly relate with the dependence on mom. When my difficult child was in the psychiatric hospital, an activity they had him do was to collage a line of fears/anxieties (sickness, injury, school work, nightmares, whatever). He was then to collage next to each what made him feel better when facing these. The SW gave me a little scolding on this one because next to every single one was a picture of a lady representing me. I wasn't surprised. As the days and years go on we find ourselves unknowingly doing things that we do not need to do. Like tying the shoes, we get in the habit and often in too much of a hurry to let the child tie their own shoes and one day we wake up and they are far beyond doing so themselves or like in your case, they knew how but enjoyed mom's attention in even this little task. We know it is a dangerous world out there so we encourage our children to always come to us when they have a problem (trying to prepare them for teen years to know we will help). difficult children tend to take this support too literally - mom will solve everything! And as they grow into that belief we unknowingly fall into doing so, not on purpose, just by quiet nature. Wynter loves how you have helped her. You love her and have chosen to do what a loving mother does. She is trying to figure out how to grow up but still feel that you will continue doing all the little things we do for young children but need to stop doing once they start being more independent. difficult children don't understand why parents stop the tieing of shoes, the giving of baths, ect. Instead of seeing it as independence on their part, they see us as being mean. This may not sound like I want to explain it - just to know what a confusing age she is at and sometimes the harder teenagers try to push you away, the harder they are crying on the inside wanting you to stay closer than ever. They are confused and then when they add difficult child characteristics to the mix, it even gets scary to feel that independence. You are doing a great job. I do learn alot from you and I have a feeling that as Wynter goes through these next few years, I will be learning even more through your experiences. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
but...but...but...but...but
Top