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But, how do YOU feel?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 617812" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there.</p><p></p><p>How about "dating" your husband again? Do you have any hobbies you enjoy that you could do in a group, such as rug hooking? Any interest in church? Join a Bible study for friendship. Want to take a class at school? Interested in animals? Get involved in rescue. Like kids and want to have them around? Try foster parenting little ones that will not remind you of your son because they are small. Volunteer at elementary school. Can you afford a vacation with your sweetheart? Start a workout routine, get fit, eat right and do it for yourself.</p><p></p><p>If you really need to talk about your son, join a support group such as a twelve step group or NAMI or just a therapy group for women. Re-connect with friends who are kind to you and relatives who are not like your parents, if there are any (I have pretty nasty DNA connections so I rely on friends to be my real family).</p><p></p><p>I also found solace in self-help reading, especially about the art of mindfulness. I meditate. I'm not great at it, but can do guided meditation and I feel wonderful afterward.</p><p></p><p>The most important thing I was ever told (and I couldn't do it at first) was to learn to detach. It is one thing if our children are ill and it is not their faults, such as a child being in the hospital due to something beyond his control. When our adult children make horrible and even criminal decisions and/or refuse to get help, it is sometimes helpful only to detach from their drama and their mean words and deeds. You have to remember (as do all of us...not always easy) that you are not your son. What he does and if he suffers, it is due to his decisions and you can still be happy because you are not him nor can you change or control him. Getting an ulcer over him will not make things better for him and will only stress you out and you won't be good for anyone, including your son, if you are no longer healthy. He has assaulted you and blamed you for it and I'm not sure there is anything you can do to make t hat better other than to decide to engage him when he is kind to you AND not asking for things from you, and to learn to be emotionally aloof when he is deriding you, asking for entitlements for himself, or verbally/physically abusing you. When my 36 year old is nice to me, I will talk to him for as long as he likes. The minute he starts with the abuse, I say, "I'm sorry, but you have to respect me to talk to me" and I hang up and usually don't answer for the rest of the day. That gives him a cool down time. And I can go on with my life. Our kids don't have a special free pass to abuse us just because they are our kids.</p><p></p><p>Parent abuse is on the rise.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 617812, member: 1550"] Hi there. How about "dating" your husband again? Do you have any hobbies you enjoy that you could do in a group, such as rug hooking? Any interest in church? Join a Bible study for friendship. Want to take a class at school? Interested in animals? Get involved in rescue. Like kids and want to have them around? Try foster parenting little ones that will not remind you of your son because they are small. Volunteer at elementary school. Can you afford a vacation with your sweetheart? Start a workout routine, get fit, eat right and do it for yourself. If you really need to talk about your son, join a support group such as a twelve step group or NAMI or just a therapy group for women. Re-connect with friends who are kind to you and relatives who are not like your parents, if there are any (I have pretty nasty DNA connections so I rely on friends to be my real family). I also found solace in self-help reading, especially about the art of mindfulness. I meditate. I'm not great at it, but can do guided meditation and I feel wonderful afterward. The most important thing I was ever told (and I couldn't do it at first) was to learn to detach. It is one thing if our children are ill and it is not their faults, such as a child being in the hospital due to something beyond his control. When our adult children make horrible and even criminal decisions and/or refuse to get help, it is sometimes helpful only to detach from their drama and their mean words and deeds. You have to remember (as do all of us...not always easy) that you are not your son. What he does and if he suffers, it is due to his decisions and you can still be happy because you are not him nor can you change or control him. Getting an ulcer over him will not make things better for him and will only stress you out and you won't be good for anyone, including your son, if you are no longer healthy. He has assaulted you and blamed you for it and I'm not sure there is anything you can do to make t hat better other than to decide to engage him when he is kind to you AND not asking for things from you, and to learn to be emotionally aloof when he is deriding you, asking for entitlements for himself, or verbally/physically abusing you. When my 36 year old is nice to me, I will talk to him for as long as he likes. The minute he starts with the abuse, I say, "I'm sorry, but you have to respect me to talk to me" and I hang up and usually don't answer for the rest of the day. That gives him a cool down time. And I can go on with my life. Our kids don't have a special free pass to abuse us just because they are our kids. Parent abuse is on the rise. [/QUOTE]
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