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But I don't like your rules
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 241301" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Allan, you said, "When I talk about problem solving other peoples issues from the outside , can Kanga take perspectives , can she empathize , can she identify the others concern , can she identify her own concerns and think of various alternatives and solutions , not just one."</p><p></p><p>From what I gather from JJJ's description - nope. Doesn't sound like Kanga can come close to any compromise, empathy, others' point of view or concerns. And therein lies the source of the vast bulk of these problems.</p><p></p><p>They are good ideas, Allan. The trouble is, when you're dealing with a kid who is so far outside normal expectations and capabilities, the usual guide books and suggestions just go out the window.</p><p></p><p>I was posting on another thread yesterday about how despite efforts to the contrary, when the boys were little they each attached inappropriately to someone they shouldn't have. It caused a lot of problems especially with difficult child 1. THis happened despite efforts to prevent it, efforts which should have worked. But from what I understand now, it didn't work because the difficult child-ness was just so extreme. With hindsight, I don't think anything could have prevented it.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes with a difficult child we can look and see where the problems perhaps started and what we might have done to prevent it. However, sometimes the intrinsic characteristics of the individual are just too "out there" and different, that we're only ever able to be reactive, not proactive.</p><p></p><p>If there were the slightest chance that Kanga could empathise or compromise, I'm sure JJJ would be doing it. But looking at the diagnosis, plus the description - I think I'd be tearing my hair out too.</p><p></p><p>Mind you, all suggestions are valid because sometimes in there, can be something we can grab onto and use, when we might think we'd already tried everything.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 241301, member: 1991"] Allan, you said, "When I talk about problem solving other peoples issues from the outside , can Kanga take perspectives , can she empathize , can she identify the others concern , can she identify her own concerns and think of various alternatives and solutions , not just one." From what I gather from JJJ's description - nope. Doesn't sound like Kanga can come close to any compromise, empathy, others' point of view or concerns. And therein lies the source of the vast bulk of these problems. They are good ideas, Allan. The trouble is, when you're dealing with a kid who is so far outside normal expectations and capabilities, the usual guide books and suggestions just go out the window. I was posting on another thread yesterday about how despite efforts to the contrary, when the boys were little they each attached inappropriately to someone they shouldn't have. It caused a lot of problems especially with difficult child 1. THis happened despite efforts to prevent it, efforts which should have worked. But from what I understand now, it didn't work because the difficult child-ness was just so extreme. With hindsight, I don't think anything could have prevented it. Sometimes with a difficult child we can look and see where the problems perhaps started and what we might have done to prevent it. However, sometimes the intrinsic characteristics of the individual are just too "out there" and different, that we're only ever able to be reactive, not proactive. If there were the slightest chance that Kanga could empathise or compromise, I'm sure JJJ would be doing it. But looking at the diagnosis, plus the description - I think I'd be tearing my hair out too. Mind you, all suggestions are valid because sometimes in there, can be something we can grab onto and use, when we might think we'd already tried everything. Marg [/QUOTE]
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