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But I don't wanna be his guardian.....
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 410176" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Wise decision Linda. I am appalled at your system that seems to me to work against kids learning to manage their own affairs under controlled conditions. For us - we can set up whatever controls we feel are needed, or not - according to how our kids cope it is between us and the bank, the banks want the kids' business because kids grow up to be account holders without parental controls eventually! </p><p></p><p>Something I did (not possible in wm's case, sadly) is we set up difficult child 1's account in his name, but it needed me to sign as well, for any withdrawals. ANY withdrawals. He had a much smaller amount totally under his own control, he had at most $100 to play with there. He learned to budget by often over-spending that amount and then having no money for the next two weeks. Not long before the wedding, we added daughter in law's signature to difficult child 1's account. Now, of course, it is no longer relevant because when he had that car accident while uninsured and was facing bankruptcy, they closed the account entirely and transferred all the money to daughter in law, to avoid having the whole lot taken. By that stage she had contributed to the account also.</p><p></p><p>So difficult child 1's finances are now being managed by him and daughter in law. But if it hadn't been for our earlier system, it would not have happened.</p><p></p><p>The worst thing you can do for a kid like this, is give them uncontrolled, unlimited access to money. difficult child 1 had to step up and take charge of his own impulses if he wanted to do things like save up for an engagement ring. We put so many brakes on, all technically imposed by the bank and with difficult child 1's own permission. But he needed our cooperation to get the account (even though we were never financially responsible for debts, because he could not incur any without a credit card) so he had to give in to us pretty much.</p><p></p><p>We did the same thing for difficult child 3 but he actually automatically has computer access which scares us a bit. We are relying on his naivete and basic honesty, to not go in and change his account parameters online. That is something you need to watch for, for when wm does qualify for his own bank account and gets control of his own disability payments. He is basically going to need an adult somewhere, with power of attorney and also the control to actually work with wm to teach him personal responsibility. From other things you've said about him, that sounds like a tall order. </p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 410176, member: 1991"] Wise decision Linda. I am appalled at your system that seems to me to work against kids learning to manage their own affairs under controlled conditions. For us - we can set up whatever controls we feel are needed, or not - according to how our kids cope it is between us and the bank, the banks want the kids' business because kids grow up to be account holders without parental controls eventually! Something I did (not possible in wm's case, sadly) is we set up difficult child 1's account in his name, but it needed me to sign as well, for any withdrawals. ANY withdrawals. He had a much smaller amount totally under his own control, he had at most $100 to play with there. He learned to budget by often over-spending that amount and then having no money for the next two weeks. Not long before the wedding, we added daughter in law's signature to difficult child 1's account. Now, of course, it is no longer relevant because when he had that car accident while uninsured and was facing bankruptcy, they closed the account entirely and transferred all the money to daughter in law, to avoid having the whole lot taken. By that stage she had contributed to the account also. So difficult child 1's finances are now being managed by him and daughter in law. But if it hadn't been for our earlier system, it would not have happened. The worst thing you can do for a kid like this, is give them uncontrolled, unlimited access to money. difficult child 1 had to step up and take charge of his own impulses if he wanted to do things like save up for an engagement ring. We put so many brakes on, all technically imposed by the bank and with difficult child 1's own permission. But he needed our cooperation to get the account (even though we were never financially responsible for debts, because he could not incur any without a credit card) so he had to give in to us pretty much. We did the same thing for difficult child 3 but he actually automatically has computer access which scares us a bit. We are relying on his naivete and basic honesty, to not go in and change his account parameters online. That is something you need to watch for, for when wm does qualify for his own bank account and gets control of his own disability payments. He is basically going to need an adult somewhere, with power of attorney and also the control to actually work with wm to teach him personal responsibility. From other things you've said about him, that sounds like a tall order. Marg [/QUOTE]
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