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Parent Emeritus
Calm before the storm
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 634070" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>For each of us, there comes a time when the difficult child child has us in stalemate. It might be a principle we refuse to compromise on. It most often is something that forces us to choose between continuing to do the decent thing or standing up for ourselves. If we stand up for ourselves (you dispose of difficult child belongings, change the locks, and hold the intention of pressing charges against your own child if he carries through with his threat)...we still lose, because to do what it is that we are required to do to reclaim our lives destroys us in deep, shaming ways.</p><p></p><p>Yet, we do reach that place.</p><p></p><p>Our difficult children see to it.</p><p></p><p>I think the balancing point is kindness for ourselves. </p><p></p><p>Compassion for ourselves. </p><p></p><p>It helped me to remember that I was teaching my kids by my responses.</p><p></p><p>If homelessness is the issue, can you </p><p>use this time to construct a new paradigm? </p><p></p><p>Treatment, with your support, If drugs are at the heart of this, or homelessness, if that is his choice. </p><p></p><p>As things stand, your difficult child holds all the power because to make him homeless will hurt you more than him.</p><p></p><p>Yet, there is some central issue that is causing the homelessness issue. If you take advantage of this time to force your son to choose between homelessness and addressing whatever the basic issue is, this time can be seen as an opportunity. </p><p></p><p>You hold more power here than you know. </p><p></p><p>Love and pain are preventing you from coming up with a series of options for changing the situation. </p><p></p><p>Rent a room for a month? Check YMCA , extended stay hotels, homeless shelters. </p><p></p><p>As difficult as this seems, winter is coming.</p><p></p><p>It will be harder, then.</p><p></p><p>Could he be sent to grandparents? </p><p></p><p>We can provide feedback and stories of our own experiences if that would be helpful. </p><p></p><p>We have been where you are, sweetmama. </p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry this is happening. </p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 634070, member: 17461"] For each of us, there comes a time when the difficult child child has us in stalemate. It might be a principle we refuse to compromise on. It most often is something that forces us to choose between continuing to do the decent thing or standing up for ourselves. If we stand up for ourselves (you dispose of difficult child belongings, change the locks, and hold the intention of pressing charges against your own child if he carries through with his threat)...we still lose, because to do what it is that we are required to do to reclaim our lives destroys us in deep, shaming ways. Yet, we do reach that place. Our difficult children see to it. I think the balancing point is kindness for ourselves. Compassion for ourselves. It helped me to remember that I was teaching my kids by my responses. If homelessness is the issue, can you use this time to construct a new paradigm? Treatment, with your support, If drugs are at the heart of this, or homelessness, if that is his choice. As things stand, your difficult child holds all the power because to make him homeless will hurt you more than him. Yet, there is some central issue that is causing the homelessness issue. If you take advantage of this time to force your son to choose between homelessness and addressing whatever the basic issue is, this time can be seen as an opportunity. You hold more power here than you know. Love and pain are preventing you from coming up with a series of options for changing the situation. Rent a room for a month? Check YMCA , extended stay hotels, homeless shelters. As difficult as this seems, winter is coming. It will be harder, then. Could he be sent to grandparents? We can provide feedback and stories of our own experiences if that would be helpful. We have been where you are, sweetmama. I'm so sorry this is happening. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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