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Can he have green days? VENT
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 108193" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>Maybe your goal for Beaner should be yellow days. I know I was thrilled any day my daughter could do better than red (we didn't have orange). They were few and far between in kindergarten and first grade. However, I understood that no child wants to be "bad." I truly believe kids want to be good, some just can't do it.</p><p></p><p>You might look at the teacher -- the expectations may be too high for him. Try to find out how many kids get green cards frequently (some teachers forget they are working with little ones and expect them to behave as if they are 5th graders). Try to find out if he is being singled out. These could all be factors as well.</p><p></p><p>I'm not sure what "high risk for ADHD" means. I'd guess from your descriptions of his behavior he has ADHD. The ODD frequently comes because we are try to protect our kids when they are toddlers. When a child has ADHD, their impulse control is even worse than the typical 2 year old -- it is completely non-existent. They rarely learn from past history. So, as a parent, you are constantly saying No, don't touch that!, don't do that! You are not doing it because you are a bad parent but rather because you are trying to protect them from themselves. Unfortunately, a child doesn't see it that way. All they hear is the word no and they take that as a punishment (they can't do what they want). After awhile, their logic says I may as well do whatever because I'm going to get in trouble no matter what I do. To the child's mind, it is a lose-lose situation. The only way to "win" is to do it and then get the consequence after (at least there was some fun before the punishment). So, you have a little one with no impulse control and a mindset that can't help but get him in trouble.</p><p></p><p>It takes a lot of work and effort to change that mindset. The non-existent impulse control will take a long time to come about. If you haven't read The Explosive Child, please do so. It really will help you understand your son a little better.</p><p></p><p>But please don't blame him for everything or think he really can control what he is doing. He's just a little boy who has some problems. He needs help to change. Constantly being angry at him isn't going to do that. It is just going to have him continue to act out.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 108193, member: 3626"] Maybe your goal for Beaner should be yellow days. I know I was thrilled any day my daughter could do better than red (we didn't have orange). They were few and far between in kindergarten and first grade. However, I understood that no child wants to be "bad." I truly believe kids want to be good, some just can't do it. You might look at the teacher -- the expectations may be too high for him. Try to find out how many kids get green cards frequently (some teachers forget they are working with little ones and expect them to behave as if they are 5th graders). Try to find out if he is being singled out. These could all be factors as well. I'm not sure what "high risk for ADHD" means. I'd guess from your descriptions of his behavior he has ADHD. The ODD frequently comes because we are try to protect our kids when they are toddlers. When a child has ADHD, their impulse control is even worse than the typical 2 year old -- it is completely non-existent. They rarely learn from past history. So, as a parent, you are constantly saying No, don't touch that!, don't do that! You are not doing it because you are a bad parent but rather because you are trying to protect them from themselves. Unfortunately, a child doesn't see it that way. All they hear is the word no and they take that as a punishment (they can't do what they want). After awhile, their logic says I may as well do whatever because I'm going to get in trouble no matter what I do. To the child's mind, it is a lose-lose situation. The only way to "win" is to do it and then get the consequence after (at least there was some fun before the punishment). So, you have a little one with no impulse control and a mindset that can't help but get him in trouble. It takes a lot of work and effort to change that mindset. The non-existent impulse control will take a long time to come about. If you haven't read The Explosive Child, please do so. It really will help you understand your son a little better. But please don't blame him for everything or think he really can control what he is doing. He's just a little boy who has some problems. He needs help to change. Constantly being angry at him isn't going to do that. It is just going to have him continue to act out. [/QUOTE]
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