In my opinion, yes it's a matter of each of those things...and willingness on their part. Possibly the method used might play into it, too, and as with everything pertaining to difficult child's, what works with one might not work with another. This is a good point to ponder though. I figure if mine has the ability to learn or figure out how to manipulate me, he can learn to problem solve and find a better way.
And I almmost forgot- in my humble opinion, a LOT of problems with my difficult child have been that others in his life have not supported my efforts. Not that I'm the smartest person in the world or that all ideas tried have to be mine, but if I'm trying to approach things rationally and really try holding my sone accountable while making sure the censequences are appropriate for the action, it's a real thorn in my side when the family and GAL would act like difficult child should not be held accountable at all and others would act like he should be locked up and the key thrown away and never receive any supports. My son has grown up receiveing a lot of mixed messages because people have not presented a unified front to him and I think this has contributed to his approach in life.