Sue, the tweedles have learned to work through issues they are invested in..... how to budget & save for something they want, clean rooms if allowance is needed, real basic stuff.
ADL's are another situation altogether.
For us, it's a slow & sometimes painful learning process. Like Fran, kt & wm have had the verbal cues from an early age. wm tends to be more defiant & therefore lags in problem solving skills.
I think it is a combination of all of the things you mentioned along with a vested interest in the problem that needs to be solved. Finding the right "currency" for wm has helped to some degree.