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Parent Emeritus
Can we still judge as parents of a difficult child?
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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 152277" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>Good conversation guys.........and sorry Suz, I hope <em>I</em> did not sound judgmental. <em> Not</em> my intention.</p><p></p><p>I believe there a shades of gray here, that should actually be called perhaps more black and white things.</p><p></p><p>Witz the example you just gave to me is your righteous indignation about someone being mistreated. I am with you 100&#37; - that is not right, horrible, and should be immediately addressed. To me, you are not judging, you are responding correctly to an incorrect situation.</p><p></p><p>The same goes for us having standards. I am with you. When someone posts about how they purposely antagonize their 13 year old, I am the first one to sound the alarm. That is wrong!</p><p></p><p>I also think that if someone is not listening to our advice on this board, than we simply should not respond anymore. Like our difficult children, any attention is better than none. Our constant replies to people who are not listening is just fuel for their fire. </p><p></p><p>There is a difference between responding and trying to coach a person into making better decisions, and just constantly hitting them over the head with what they should do until they are bleeding. For some reason that person is not getting it. They may have a learning disorder, psychological issues, or not so bright - or they may love the attention they are getting from us posting the same thing over and over. None the less, I believe we should at that point just let it go. Our assumptions, standards, or advice cannot be hammered in - because at that point it only becomes judgment.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 152277, member: 3301"] Good conversation guys.........and sorry Suz, I hope [I]I[/I] did not sound judgmental. [I] Not[/I] my intention. I believe there a shades of gray here, that should actually be called perhaps more black and white things. Witz the example you just gave to me is your righteous indignation about someone being mistreated. I am with you 100% - that is not right, horrible, and should be immediately addressed. To me, you are not judging, you are responding correctly to an incorrect situation. The same goes for us having standards. I am with you. When someone posts about how they purposely antagonize their 13 year old, I am the first one to sound the alarm. That is wrong! I also think that if someone is not listening to our advice on this board, than we simply should not respond anymore. Like our difficult children, any attention is better than none. Our constant replies to people who are not listening is just fuel for their fire. There is a difference between responding and trying to coach a person into making better decisions, and just constantly hitting them over the head with what they should do until they are bleeding. For some reason that person is not getting it. They may have a learning disorder, psychological issues, or not so bright - or they may love the attention they are getting from us posting the same thing over and over. None the less, I believe we should at that point just let it go. Our assumptions, standards, or advice cannot be hammered in - because at that point it only becomes judgment. [/QUOTE]
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Can we still judge as parents of a difficult child?
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