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Can we talk about jail?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 614934" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Our role as Mom changes as our kids get older. When they are ten or fourteen and get into trouble, it sure is our responsibility to try to help them. But your son is no longer a minor. It is not your responsibility to post his bail forever and he is eighteen now. If you know in your heart that he isn't going to follow through with the caseworker, I actually think he is safer in jail than on the streets. At least he can't wander around late at night and he does get meals and a bed, although it may not be comfortable. I'm guessing that his friends outside of jail are criminals and have mostly been in jail too so I don't see a big difference.</p><p></p><p>It is your son's responsibility once he gets out to follow through with the help he is being offered. You know from experience that you can't do it for him. This is just a thought. Maybe if you aren't there to bail him out or to walk behind him to catch him in case he falls he will actually see that he has to do something to change his life or that nobody is going to take responsibility for his mistakes. It is much easier for him to change at his younger age than when he is thirty and you two are still doing this dance.</p><p></p><p>A parent in my opinion should not have to care for a grown child. If the grown child is disabled there are supports that can help him/her become the most independent he possibly can be, but it always comes down to the adult child's willingness to work hard and do it.</p><p></p><p>None of us can live forever. I swear, having a difficult child has the capacity to lower our life span as much as cigarettes if we allow the stress to get to us. We are good to nobody if we aren't here anymore, and we all deserve to have wonderful golden years without being tied to our adult children's poor choices.</p><p></p><p>This is all JMO. I see some people in their 70's taking care of adult 'children" in their 50's. It is sad and a waste of life. I don't want that to happen to you. To be honest and fair, though, none of my kids ever were in jail. My daughter who did serious drugs at one time, however, was in the justice system for most of her teen years. If she hadn't gotten her head on straight, she could very well have ended up in jail. Once she turned eighteen, she knew that if she did end up there she would NOT be bailed out. Maybe that helped keep her from breaking the law too badly. Who know?</p><p></p><p>Hugs and understanding from me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 614934, member: 1550"] Our role as Mom changes as our kids get older. When they are ten or fourteen and get into trouble, it sure is our responsibility to try to help them. But your son is no longer a minor. It is not your responsibility to post his bail forever and he is eighteen now. If you know in your heart that he isn't going to follow through with the caseworker, I actually think he is safer in jail than on the streets. At least he can't wander around late at night and he does get meals and a bed, although it may not be comfortable. I'm guessing that his friends outside of jail are criminals and have mostly been in jail too so I don't see a big difference. It is your son's responsibility once he gets out to follow through with the help he is being offered. You know from experience that you can't do it for him. This is just a thought. Maybe if you aren't there to bail him out or to walk behind him to catch him in case he falls he will actually see that he has to do something to change his life or that nobody is going to take responsibility for his mistakes. It is much easier for him to change at his younger age than when he is thirty and you two are still doing this dance. A parent in my opinion should not have to care for a grown child. If the grown child is disabled there are supports that can help him/her become the most independent he possibly can be, but it always comes down to the adult child's willingness to work hard and do it. None of us can live forever. I swear, having a difficult child has the capacity to lower our life span as much as cigarettes if we allow the stress to get to us. We are good to nobody if we aren't here anymore, and we all deserve to have wonderful golden years without being tied to our adult children's poor choices. This is all JMO. I see some people in their 70's taking care of adult 'children" in their 50's. It is sad and a waste of life. I don't want that to happen to you. To be honest and fair, though, none of my kids ever were in jail. My daughter who did serious drugs at one time, however, was in the justice system for most of her teen years. If she hadn't gotten her head on straight, she could very well have ended up in jail. Once she turned eighteen, she knew that if she did end up there she would NOT be bailed out. Maybe that helped keep her from breaking the law too badly. Who know? Hugs and understanding from me. [/QUOTE]
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