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Can we talk about jail?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 614999" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>That conflict between what we know we want to do and who that makes us is the fire at the heart of every destructive thing that happens to those of us coping with difficult child kids, Echolette. Whatever you do, there will be those (most likely, the difficult child, in years to come, as he or she seeks to justify his actions and their outcomes) who put the blame squarely on...you.</p><p></p><p>Whether we do or do not do the "right" thing, we are going to be blamed for whatever it was we did. difficult child kids seldom turn things around. </p><p></p><p>On the other hand, it is only money. husband swears the money is worth the peace of mind, because he is so sick of thinking about any of it.</p><p></p><p>And you know where that got us. </p><p></p><p>Whatever you decide to do Echolette, the battle is going to be in not focusing that destructive energy back onto yourself. Whatever you decide, there is no blame for the outcome. Bless yourself, take your shot based not on what difficult child needs, but on what you need to do to be free of it, and refuse to second guess yourself. Post that on a mirror, somewhere.</p><p></p><p>I always do the best I know.</p><p></p><p>It is the situation that is impossible. </p><p></p><p>You did not create the situation. You cannot protect the difficult child. The situation will probably arise, again.</p><p></p><p>If it were me? I would not pay the bail. When difficult child son first started getting into trouble, he wound up in jail over something to do with a headlight. It really was not a fair situation. But there were things going wrong with difficult child son. Bad grades, truancy, bad friends. So, believing it would be better for him to have a taste of what was coming for him if he didn't straighten out, I left him in jail. Parents of his friends called, wanting to bail him out for us, assuming we did not have the money. How shaming! But, I refused. We got to look like real jerks over that one. Their child went on to go to prison, one day.</p><p></p><p>My difficult child son has never spent another night in jail.</p><p></p><p>That I know of, anyway.</p><p></p><p>Not that I get any credit for that. Just the opposite. </p><p></p><p>Whatever you do, Echolette, remember that the true goal here is to survive the never ending attacks on our persons, our lifestyles, our self images and our self esteem that is the inevitable result of coping with difficult child kids.</p><p></p><p>I used to pound a pillow until I could bring the emotions up and then, bury my face in it and scream into it. It was like, a hygenic cleansing ritual for me. Easy, cheaper and far less time-consuming than seeing a therapist. (Though I saw many a therapist too, eventually.)</p><p></p><p>Whatever. Here I am today, as normal and well adjusted as the day is long.</p><p></p><p>Just ask my kids.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Which is so not funny I should go get that freaking pillow out right now.</p><p></p><p>Grrrr.....</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 614999, member: 17461"] That conflict between what we know we want to do and who that makes us is the fire at the heart of every destructive thing that happens to those of us coping with difficult child kids, Echolette. Whatever you do, there will be those (most likely, the difficult child, in years to come, as he or she seeks to justify his actions and their outcomes) who put the blame squarely on...you. Whether we do or do not do the "right" thing, we are going to be blamed for whatever it was we did. difficult child kids seldom turn things around. On the other hand, it is only money. husband swears the money is worth the peace of mind, because he is so sick of thinking about any of it. And you know where that got us. Whatever you decide to do Echolette, the battle is going to be in not focusing that destructive energy back onto yourself. Whatever you decide, there is no blame for the outcome. Bless yourself, take your shot based not on what difficult child needs, but on what you need to do to be free of it, and refuse to second guess yourself. Post that on a mirror, somewhere. I always do the best I know. It is the situation that is impossible. You did not create the situation. You cannot protect the difficult child. The situation will probably arise, again. If it were me? I would not pay the bail. When difficult child son first started getting into trouble, he wound up in jail over something to do with a headlight. It really was not a fair situation. But there were things going wrong with difficult child son. Bad grades, truancy, bad friends. So, believing it would be better for him to have a taste of what was coming for him if he didn't straighten out, I left him in jail. Parents of his friends called, wanting to bail him out for us, assuming we did not have the money. How shaming! But, I refused. We got to look like real jerks over that one. Their child went on to go to prison, one day. My difficult child son has never spent another night in jail. That I know of, anyway. Not that I get any credit for that. Just the opposite. Whatever you do, Echolette, remember that the true goal here is to survive the never ending attacks on our persons, our lifestyles, our self images and our self esteem that is the inevitable result of coping with difficult child kids. I used to pound a pillow until I could bring the emotions up and then, bury my face in it and scream into it. It was like, a hygenic cleansing ritual for me. Easy, cheaper and far less time-consuming than seeing a therapist. (Though I saw many a therapist too, eventually.) Whatever. Here I am today, as normal and well adjusted as the day is long. Just ask my kids. :O) Which is so not funny I should go get that freaking pillow out right now. Grrrr..... Cedar [/QUOTE]
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