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Can we talk about jail?
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 615021" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Ah, Cedar. You are so right about the shaming. I feel so judged, and I judge myself. I know people must wonder what is wrong with me, what goes on in my house...and sometimes i wonder myself. difficult child's twin, who was a difficult child herself for a good 5 years, at one point threatened me with "what are you going to do, send me to a wilderness treatment? two kids? what will people say about YOU". and that was terrifying to me (I shoulda slapped her, she was one manipulative girl).</p><p>and you are right about the loss of hope, of dreams, as you have posted before. Because I can feel that little stirring of hope when he talks ...I said "what are your plans" and he said, I'll go to my court date, I'll pay you back, I'll get a job....and he reminded me of the good things he's done, that he rarely if ever misses a date with me when he makes one, taht he was emotionally supportive of me when my husband (his dad) left, that he was the first one of my kids to accept my SO...he remind me and I hope again for a sweet kind boy to grow up into a sweet kind young man...but that is not who he is.</p><p>I spoke to a friend today, another public defender. To my shock he thought I should post bail AND pay the difficult child's fines for busting up some one's TV/apartment. He said I should get him out from under for a fresh start. I could feel myself sinking again into the "what kind of mother are you" shame. </p><p>I'm not going to do what he said. difficult child walked this path of his own volition. He has nothing better to do than be in jail anyway. The system will work as systems do, he'll get out, and he'll either avail himself of services this time or not. But I won't be his stooge.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 615021, member: 17269"] Ah, Cedar. You are so right about the shaming. I feel so judged, and I judge myself. I know people must wonder what is wrong with me, what goes on in my house...and sometimes i wonder myself. difficult child's twin, who was a difficult child herself for a good 5 years, at one point threatened me with "what are you going to do, send me to a wilderness treatment? two kids? what will people say about YOU". and that was terrifying to me (I shoulda slapped her, she was one manipulative girl). and you are right about the loss of hope, of dreams, as you have posted before. Because I can feel that little stirring of hope when he talks ...I said "what are your plans" and he said, I'll go to my court date, I'll pay you back, I'll get a job....and he reminded me of the good things he's done, that he rarely if ever misses a date with me when he makes one, taht he was emotionally supportive of me when my husband (his dad) left, that he was the first one of my kids to accept my SO...he remind me and I hope again for a sweet kind boy to grow up into a sweet kind young man...but that is not who he is. I spoke to a friend today, another public defender. To my shock he thought I should post bail AND pay the difficult child's fines for busting up some one's TV/apartment. He said I should get him out from under for a fresh start. I could feel myself sinking again into the "what kind of mother are you" shame. I'm not going to do what he said. difficult child walked this path of his own volition. He has nothing better to do than be in jail anyway. The system will work as systems do, he'll get out, and he'll either avail himself of services this time or not. But I won't be his stooge. [/QUOTE]
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