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Can you forgive him forever?
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 742481" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>I think my concept of forgiveness is closer to Copa’s. A release. Letting go of the past, not to forget that it happened but so that it does not continue to have power over my present or my future. It does not require that the other person has changed. The other person may be dead. The other person may be incapable of change. The act of release happens within me. I do it not to earn heaven - I’m not sure I believe in heaven - but to find peace now.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps you mean something else by forgiveness. Perhaps your forgiveness requires that the other person apologize, atone and change before you can forgive them. Maybe you need a different word for the kind of release I mean when I say forgiveness.</p><p></p><p>This is the only path I have found to peace. I can’t control what the other person does. I can’t change who they are. I can only control my side of the equation.</p><p></p><p>I have found that it is not helpful for me to worry about whether harm is ‘intentional’ or not. We all have reasons for what we do, many of them outside our conscious awareness. Brain chemistry. Brain injury. Mind altering substances, prescribed or nor. Belief systems. information or assumptions that may be accurate or erroneous. Unconscious habit. Past trauma. Inborn personality. Who among us really fully understands our own response patterns, let alone anyone else’s?</p><p></p><p>So I guess my forgiveness comes from looking at someone and thinking: this is what they are capable of right now. Their past history, personality, and brain chemistry are causing them to behave in this way. They may not even be aware of why. If the ways they are behaving are hurting me, I can choose to remove myself from the situation so I am no longer hurt. And the same time I can recognize that they are following a program that has very little to do with me, and forgive them for being who they are.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 742481, member: 23349"] I think my concept of forgiveness is closer to Copa’s. A release. Letting go of the past, not to forget that it happened but so that it does not continue to have power over my present or my future. It does not require that the other person has changed. The other person may be dead. The other person may be incapable of change. The act of release happens within me. I do it not to earn heaven - I’m not sure I believe in heaven - but to find peace now. Perhaps you mean something else by forgiveness. Perhaps your forgiveness requires that the other person apologize, atone and change before you can forgive them. Maybe you need a different word for the kind of release I mean when I say forgiveness. This is the only path I have found to peace. I can’t control what the other person does. I can’t change who they are. I can only control my side of the equation. I have found that it is not helpful for me to worry about whether harm is ‘intentional’ or not. We all have reasons for what we do, many of them outside our conscious awareness. Brain chemistry. Brain injury. Mind altering substances, prescribed or nor. Belief systems. information or assumptions that may be accurate or erroneous. Unconscious habit. Past trauma. Inborn personality. Who among us really fully understands our own response patterns, let alone anyone else’s? So I guess my forgiveness comes from looking at someone and thinking: this is what they are capable of right now. Their past history, personality, and brain chemistry are causing them to behave in this way. They may not even be aware of why. If the ways they are behaving are hurting me, I can choose to remove myself from the situation so I am no longer hurt. And the same time I can recognize that they are following a program that has very little to do with me, and forgive them for being who they are. [/QUOTE]
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Can you forgive him forever?
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