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Can you help me with my son?
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 297038"><p>I'm sorry that your parents weren't more understanding of the trauma you experienced in high school.</p><p> </p><p>Is there a way to find out more information about the bio dad's life currently?</p><p>For example, how well he is emotionally and psychologically? However, I would keep a respectful distance from this man. Make inquires cordially, almost professionally.</p><p> </p><p>My "gut" thought was to tell your son that his father was immature, selfish and had difficulties as a young man and deeply regrets those earlier thoughts and decisions now. I would downplay the "rape," but it would be a concern because chances are at some point, he will hear of rumors. I would also "gently," allow your son to know that his father chose not to be a partipant in his life. </p><p> </p><p>I would be more inclined to not reveal the absolute truth if the bio father has offered a sincere apology to you for his abhorrent behavior.</p><p> </p><p>This certainly is a really difficult situation...</p><p> </p><p>However, if this man is a changed person, it makes it slightly easier.</p><p> </p><p>How old is your son? Is he 21 yet? At 21, I would hesitate to withhold the name of his father, especially if both father and son wish for the information to be known.</p><p> </p><p>I have heard, that generally speaking, adoptees have found contacting birthfathers to be negative experiences. Of course, this is not always the case.</p><p> </p><p>I think you and your son have every right to celebrate the interesting series of events that took place that brought you two together and that in the end, things have worked out in a positive manner. I'm not sure that I would overly concern yourselves with the birthfather.</p><p> </p><p> I agree, it might be a very good idea for your son to see a counselor and I hope that you have either done this for yourself or have considered it as well.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 297038"] I'm sorry that your parents weren't more understanding of the trauma you experienced in high school. Is there a way to find out more information about the bio dad's life currently? For example, how well he is emotionally and psychologically? However, I would keep a respectful distance from this man. Make inquires cordially, almost professionally. My "gut" thought was to tell your son that his father was immature, selfish and had difficulties as a young man and deeply regrets those earlier thoughts and decisions now. I would downplay the "rape," but it would be a concern because chances are at some point, he will hear of rumors. I would also "gently," allow your son to know that his father chose not to be a partipant in his life. I would be more inclined to not reveal the absolute truth if the bio father has offered a sincere apology to you for his abhorrent behavior. This certainly is a really difficult situation... However, if this man is a changed person, it makes it slightly easier. How old is your son? Is he 21 yet? At 21, I would hesitate to withhold the name of his father, especially if both father and son wish for the information to be known. I have heard, that generally speaking, adoptees have found contacting birthfathers to be negative experiences. Of course, this is not always the case. I think you and your son have every right to celebrate the interesting series of events that took place that brought you two together and that in the end, things have worked out in a positive manner. I'm not sure that I would overly concern yourselves with the birthfather. I agree, it might be a very good idea for your son to see a counselor and I hope that you have either done this for yourself or have considered it as well. [/QUOTE]
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