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<blockquote data-quote="Kalahou" data-source="post: 690002" data-attributes="member: 19617"><p>Hello Love never ends,</p><p></p><p>I am just now catching up / reading your post. You know you have found a safe place here. Others have given you good wisdom and insight. We understand and you are not alone.</p><p></p><p>From your last post, it sounds like you are in a frenzy, and frantic in your mind with thoughts of what to do to “help” and “fix.” You can do neither. All you efforts intended to be supportive assistance have not made any difference, and may indeed have even delayed your daughter from taking on responsibility for herself or at the least prevented her from reaping the hard consequences of her self-destructive choices. Sadly for us parents, this is a necessary part of learning our difficult children must experience on her own, and it can be hard to watch.</p><p></p><p>For your own health, peace and sanity, please:</p><ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">SLOW … way … down …</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Just stop and BREATHE … feel your breath and be thankful for your life / nothing else. Just Breathe.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Do nothing. <u>You need to do nothing.</u></li> </ul><p></p><p>Right now there is nothing you need to do right now. The truth is there is nothing you can do.</p><p></p><p>All your confusion is because your are in a “fog” - the FOG of Fear, Obligation, and Guilt … feeling responsible to be responsible for your daughter and for her life. Come out from this FOG. Keep reading and re-reading the article on Detachment - <a href="http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#axzz4A21h88gu" target="_blank">http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#axzz4A21h88gu</a></p><p></p><p></p><p>If you continue to wear yourself out doing all these things for your daughter, she will never work on her own life. Why should she ? … if you are doing things and getting her things. Your daughter does not need to do the things for herself that you do. If you make a change, it will be hard to stick with it, but you will get more peace for yourself. If your daughter is on the breadline and has no phone, and has no bits and pieces of whatever you are doing and getting for her, then she will just not have them and will just do without them or have to find another way. Believe in her that she will be resourceful to figure it out herself. It may not be the way your responsibility would work it out and it may be hard for you to watch, but it is the only way for her to grow and learn the consequences of her choices and the responsibility for her own life.</p><p></p><p>The title of your post is “Can’t Relax”, but I feel you can … you <strong><em>Can Relax</em></strong>.</p><p>Right now, just <u>Slow…way…down, Breathe, and tell yourself there is nothing you need to do right now.</u></p><p><em>You are going to be alright. </em></p><p></p><p>Are you familiar with the <em>Serenity Prayer</em>? You might bring it to mind, when you awaken at night in fear of your daughter’s life.</p><p><em>God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change</em></p><p><em>the Courage to change the things I can</em></p><p><em>and the Wisdom to know the difference.</em></p><p></p><p>Keep reading the postings here. We learn from responses to our own posts and by reading others also. It is a place of healing and comfort. We are all here with you. Take care. ~Kalahou</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kalahou, post: 690002, member: 19617"] Hello Love never ends, I am just now catching up / reading your post. You know you have found a safe place here. Others have given you good wisdom and insight. We understand and you are not alone. From your last post, it sounds like you are in a frenzy, and frantic in your mind with thoughts of what to do to “help” and “fix.” You can do neither. All you efforts intended to be supportive assistance have not made any difference, and may indeed have even delayed your daughter from taking on responsibility for herself or at the least prevented her from reaping the hard consequences of her self-destructive choices. Sadly for us parents, this is a necessary part of learning our difficult children must experience on her own, and it can be hard to watch. For your own health, peace and sanity, please: [LIST] [*]SLOW … way … down … [*]Just stop and BREATHE … feel your breath and be thankful for your life / nothing else. Just Breathe. [*]Do nothing. [U]You need to do nothing.[/U] [/LIST] Right now there is nothing you need to do right now. The truth is there is nothing you can do. All your confusion is because your are in a “fog” - the FOG of Fear, Obligation, and Guilt … feeling responsible to be responsible for your daughter and for her life. Come out from this FOG. Keep reading and re-reading the article on Detachment - [URL]http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#axzz4A21h88gu[/URL] If you continue to wear yourself out doing all these things for your daughter, she will never work on her own life. Why should she ? … if you are doing things and getting her things. Your daughter does not need to do the things for herself that you do. If you make a change, it will be hard to stick with it, but you will get more peace for yourself. If your daughter is on the breadline and has no phone, and has no bits and pieces of whatever you are doing and getting for her, then she will just not have them and will just do without them or have to find another way. Believe in her that she will be resourceful to figure it out herself. It may not be the way your responsibility would work it out and it may be hard for you to watch, but it is the only way for her to grow and learn the consequences of her choices and the responsibility for her own life. The title of your post is “Can’t Relax”, but I feel you can … you [B][I]Can Relax[/I][/B]. Right now, just [U]Slow…way…down, Breathe, and tell yourself there is nothing you need to do right now.[/U] [I]You are going to be alright. [/I] Are you familiar with the [I]Serenity Prayer[/I]? You might bring it to mind, when you awaken at night in fear of your daughter’s life. [I]God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change the Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference.[/I] Keep reading the postings here. We learn from responses to our own posts and by reading others also. It is a place of healing and comfort. We are all here with you. Take care. ~Kalahou [/QUOTE]
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