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Can't shake the guilt
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 725665" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>He stole from you, broke into your yard and before that lied to and manipulated his mother. He quit his job.</p><p></p><p>I don't know if you had other guests over, but how could you let him in your house, Christmas or not? He could make a scene or steal from guests.</p><p></p><p>It doesn't sound as if he has much of a conscience. Is he in any way trustworthy?</p><p></p><p>The fact is, an average, nice son would have been with you at Christmas. You are not a bad father or man. You have others to protect. Yourself included.</p><p></p><p>You did what you had to do, for the others in your family. It is very sad when we have an adult child who is off the rails. But we do have an obligation to keep our home safe from them. Christmas is a sentimental time for most, but it probably means more to you than him. Some of these adult kids use Christmas and birthdays to tweak our guilt, so that we give them money. And some of our adult kids use drugs, and the money we give goes right up their noses or the needles in their arms. We mean well, but they don't.</p><p></p><p>It sounds like you may have a daughter or daughters. Do they deserve his drama? Heck, do YOU?</p><p></p><p>Your son is able bodied. He can work, even at McD's or factory work or restaurant work. There is no excuse not to work at all. Even the cognitively disabled get placed in jobs.</p><p></p><p>Don't let Son guilt you. He has a car. That is more than my daughter had when we made her leave for drugs at 19. We stopped helping her. We cried in private, but she never saw. She quit meth. She quit cocaine. She quit cigarettes! She claims it was because we pulled out and it became too hard to use drugs.</p><p></p><p>She is twelve years from those drugs and thriving with very little help from anyone except her boyfriend. We are close. My little granddaughter rocks my world.</p><p></p><p>Be brave. When we help, we don't usually help.</p><p></p><p>Take care!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 725665, member: 1550"] He stole from you, broke into your yard and before that lied to and manipulated his mother. He quit his job. I don't know if you had other guests over, but how could you let him in your house, Christmas or not? He could make a scene or steal from guests. It doesn't sound as if he has much of a conscience. Is he in any way trustworthy? The fact is, an average, nice son would have been with you at Christmas. You are not a bad father or man. You have others to protect. Yourself included. You did what you had to do, for the others in your family. It is very sad when we have an adult child who is off the rails. But we do have an obligation to keep our home safe from them. Christmas is a sentimental time for most, but it probably means more to you than him. Some of these adult kids use Christmas and birthdays to tweak our guilt, so that we give them money. And some of our adult kids use drugs, and the money we give goes right up their noses or the needles in their arms. We mean well, but they don't. It sounds like you may have a daughter or daughters. Do they deserve his drama? Heck, do YOU? Your son is able bodied. He can work, even at McD's or factory work or restaurant work. There is no excuse not to work at all. Even the cognitively disabled get placed in jobs. Don't let Son guilt you. He has a car. That is more than my daughter had when we made her leave for drugs at 19. We stopped helping her. We cried in private, but she never saw. She quit meth. She quit cocaine. She quit cigarettes! She claims it was because we pulled out and it became too hard to use drugs. She is twelve years from those drugs and thriving with very little help from anyone except her boyfriend. We are close. My little granddaughter rocks my world. Be brave. When we help, we don't usually help. Take care! [/QUOTE]
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