Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Can't shake the guilt
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 725668" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>YF, it is hard what you are going through. It is aptly named as FOG, fear, obligation and guilt. Things get all twisted when our kids grow up and make bad choices. We get tangled up inside, and end up feeling the ramifications of the consequences of their choices, MORE than they do. The GUILT, belongs to your son. NOT YOU! You did not kick him out. <em>He did.</em> </p><p> True, Swot, so very true. How can you let someone who lies and steals from you, continue to live with you? It is an abomination! Unacceptable!</p><p> This is true.</p><p>Please read this article to help pull yourself out of the fog.</p><p><a href="http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#ixzz4NPcnawgD" target="_blank">http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#ixzz4NPcnawgD</a></p><p>My son, after living through the revolving door of two sisters off the rails, coming and going, using our home and stealing from us said one day "Mom, why do we have people living with us that we can't trust? Why do we have to lock our stuff up?"</p><p>This was so true.</p><p>Sometimes it takes the logic of a 14 year old to wake us up.</p><p>I had to wake up.</p><p>To the reality of my two daughters making terrible choices, dragging us down with them.</p><p>Having them in my home did not stop them. </p><p>It gave them free range to continue as is.</p><p>You and your family have the right to live descent productive, peaceful lives, even if your son chooses not to.</p><p>Standing strong against the reality of it is hard, but not impossible.</p><p>Our mission as parents, is to lead by example.</p><p>Take your life back, take care of yourself.</p><p>It is what we want for all of our children.</p><p>You matter, YF, the peace and sanctity of your home, matters.</p><p>Our d cs have got to know this, and we are the only ones who can show it to them, by not allowing unacceptable behavior to continue to drag us into the abyss.</p><p>Take little steps to rise up and strengthen yourself.</p><p>Keep posting, read the vast materials available on the web, immerse yourself in healing. </p><p>If you need to see a therapist, do it.</p><p>Our weakness does not help our d cs. </p><p>Our strength does.</p><p>Standing up and saying "NO More!" is not easy, it feels strange, selfish and distant. It is because we have been conditioned to respond a certain way, to think that<em> if we don't do something</em>, we are not loving our d cs.</p><p>The fact is..........IF we don't <em>stop doing what we have tried</em>, time after time, it doesn't work, we are not loving our d cs and we are abandoning ourselves.</p><p>Stand up, YF. </p><p>Your putting your foot down to unacceptable behavior is the beginning.</p><p>You are going to be okay.</p><p>Take care of yourself and do something kind for you.</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 725668, member: 19522"] YF, it is hard what you are going through. It is aptly named as FOG, fear, obligation and guilt. Things get all twisted when our kids grow up and make bad choices. We get tangled up inside, and end up feeling the ramifications of the consequences of their choices, MORE than they do. The GUILT, belongs to your son. NOT YOU! You did not kick him out. [I]He did.[/I] True, Swot, so very true. How can you let someone who lies and steals from you, continue to live with you? It is an abomination! Unacceptable! This is true. Please read this article to help pull yourself out of the fog. [URL]http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#ixzz4NPcnawgD[/URL] My son, after living through the revolving door of two sisters off the rails, coming and going, using our home and stealing from us said one day "Mom, why do we have people living with us that we can't trust? Why do we have to lock our stuff up?" This was so true. Sometimes it takes the logic of a 14 year old to wake us up. I had to wake up. To the reality of my two daughters making terrible choices, dragging us down with them. Having them in my home did not stop them. It gave them free range to continue as is. You and your family have the right to live descent productive, peaceful lives, even if your son chooses not to. Standing strong against the reality of it is hard, but not impossible. Our mission as parents, is to lead by example. Take your life back, take care of yourself. It is what we want for all of our children. You matter, YF, the peace and sanctity of your home, matters. Our d cs have got to know this, and we are the only ones who can show it to them, by not allowing unacceptable behavior to continue to drag us into the abyss. Take little steps to rise up and strengthen yourself. Keep posting, read the vast materials available on the web, immerse yourself in healing. If you need to see a therapist, do it. Our weakness does not help our d cs. Our strength does. Standing up and saying "NO More!" is not easy, it feels strange, selfish and distant. It is because we have been conditioned to respond a certain way, to think that[I] if we don't do something[/I], we are not loving our d cs. The fact is..........IF we don't [I]stop doing what we have tried[/I], time after time, it doesn't work, we are not loving our d cs and we are abandoning ourselves. Stand up, YF. Your putting your foot down to unacceptable behavior is the beginning. You are going to be okay. Take care of yourself and do something kind for you. (((HUGS))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Can't shake the guilt
Top