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Caught between two difficult child generations
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<blockquote data-quote="firehorsewoman" data-source="post: 536404"><p>I had an "in your family" moment tonight...but for the first time thinking this thought in regards to living with a difficult child child not parent.</p><p></p><p>Let me explain:</p><p></p><p>A little more than a decade ago during easy child infant year she suffered from kidney problems and was in and out of the hospital frequently. I was trying to cope with a demanding job, absent non-supportive spouse, and postpartum depression. I went to a psychiatrist with the goal of finding my mind again which I was having trouble finding. After about 5 minutes in his office discussing my current issues (and without one mention of past ones like my childhood) the psychiatrist told me to read the book, "Adult Children of Abusive Parents." I took his advice and found the book to be very helpful. Each chapter would start with a scenario describing a challenging situation regarding parents and children. The scenario would always end with a reasonable solution. The next paragraph would read, "But in your family....." and go on to describe a similar but totally messed up version of the previous scenario. Reading these passages would make me laugh as well as cry. It seemed as if the author had grown up with my parents. </p><p></p><p>Tonight after the routine of conflict with difficult child-meltdown-stick to my guns-more conflict-meltdown-stick to my guns-rage-violence-resolution, start all over, etc...without me skipping a beat or becoming upset (only the really bad meltdowns affect me anymore) I thought of the line "But in your family..." If the book were about living with difficult children the paragraph could start: Young Jenny wants to attend a sleepover tonight. Her mother tells her that she cannot attend because of other plans the family has this weekend. Jenny starts to pout and is disappointed. Her mother suggests that she invite her friend over another time and Jenny is still disappointed but gets over it quickly. "But in your family.....young Johnny asks you to make him some popcorn. You ask him to clean his room first. He flies into a rage and starts throwing objects. You calmly repeat that he must clean his room. He stomps off and does a poor job of room cleaning. He demands popcorn again. You tell him that he must clean his room properly. His temper becomes more violent, with him screaming and throwing things. He goes into his room comes back and yells at the top of his lungs for five minutes. You tell him that he will not get popcorn since he cannot control his temper....blah, blah..." Both situations occurred at my house tonight. It brought back memories of that book.</p><p> </p><p> I started to think of what a home without a difficult child would be like. At least I have somewhat of an idea since I also have a easy child. I did not have such a comparison as a child. For years I really had no idea of what life with a non difficult child parent would be like. Once in awhile I would make and keep a friend that had normal parents and I would get a glimpse....but then we would move or difficult child mom would scare them off. I had no idea what it was like to have a mother that was appropriately dressed, not high all the time, not combative, did not provoke people staring at us...etc....I really had no idea what non-difficult child parents were like until I was in my early 20s and started forming adult friendships.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="firehorsewoman, post: 536404"] I had an "in your family" moment tonight...but for the first time thinking this thought in regards to living with a difficult child child not parent. Let me explain: A little more than a decade ago during easy child infant year she suffered from kidney problems and was in and out of the hospital frequently. I was trying to cope with a demanding job, absent non-supportive spouse, and postpartum depression. I went to a psychiatrist with the goal of finding my mind again which I was having trouble finding. After about 5 minutes in his office discussing my current issues (and without one mention of past ones like my childhood) the psychiatrist told me to read the book, "Adult Children of Abusive Parents." I took his advice and found the book to be very helpful. Each chapter would start with a scenario describing a challenging situation regarding parents and children. The scenario would always end with a reasonable solution. The next paragraph would read, "But in your family....." and go on to describe a similar but totally messed up version of the previous scenario. Reading these passages would make me laugh as well as cry. It seemed as if the author had grown up with my parents. Tonight after the routine of conflict with difficult child-meltdown-stick to my guns-more conflict-meltdown-stick to my guns-rage-violence-resolution, start all over, etc...without me skipping a beat or becoming upset (only the really bad meltdowns affect me anymore) I thought of the line "But in your family..." If the book were about living with difficult children the paragraph could start: Young Jenny wants to attend a sleepover tonight. Her mother tells her that she cannot attend because of other plans the family has this weekend. Jenny starts to pout and is disappointed. Her mother suggests that she invite her friend over another time and Jenny is still disappointed but gets over it quickly. "But in your family.....young Johnny asks you to make him some popcorn. You ask him to clean his room first. He flies into a rage and starts throwing objects. You calmly repeat that he must clean his room. He stomps off and does a poor job of room cleaning. He demands popcorn again. You tell him that he must clean his room properly. His temper becomes more violent, with him screaming and throwing things. He goes into his room comes back and yells at the top of his lungs for five minutes. You tell him that he will not get popcorn since he cannot control his temper....blah, blah..." Both situations occurred at my house tonight. It brought back memories of that book. I started to think of what a home without a difficult child would be like. At least I have somewhat of an idea since I also have a easy child. I did not have such a comparison as a child. For years I really had no idea of what life with a non difficult child parent would be like. Once in awhile I would make and keep a friend that had normal parents and I would get a glimpse....but then we would move or difficult child mom would scare them off. I had no idea what it was like to have a mother that was appropriately dressed, not high all the time, not combative, did not provoke people staring at us...etc....I really had no idea what non-difficult child parents were like until I was in my early 20s and started forming adult friendships. [/QUOTE]
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