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Caught between two difficult child generations
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<blockquote data-quote="firehorsewoman" data-source="post: 536508"><p>Recoveringenabler I can for sure relate to your story about illness as a child. My difficult child mother would make us clean up our own vomit even when my sisters and I were very young children. She would become angry when we were sick or injured. When I broke my arm at twelve she left me at school despite the nurse calling her numerous times. I walked home the two miles carrying my books after spending the entire day in the nurse's office. Once she returned home she said that she didn't believe that my arm was broken. I cried myself to sleep that night only to awaken the next day with black fingers due to the decrease in circulation secondary to the fracture. By the time she took me to a doctor the arm was so swollen that it couldn't be put in a cast. Like you, I didn't learn the proper maternal response to childhood illness or injury until years later when I witnessed my friend's mother's and their responses. </p><p></p><p>You speak of resilience...and my friends tell me similar. Just a few days ago a colleague asked me a question....I cannot remember exactly what now...something that was a normal question for a person raised in a traditional family but one that produced an answer that shocked him and caused him to tell me, "If you survived that, and did so well for yourself, these challenges you are facing now should be easy." On the surface this seems to be true. My life is much better and safer now than it was for the first 30 years of my life. But isn't it possible that resilient people finally run out of gas? I think so. That is how I feel. The fight in me is gone for the most part. The me 25 years ago had it very hard but then I was truly resilient. I do not feel that way anymore. </p><p></p><p>On a separate note regarding being sandwiched between two difficult child generations, I worry a lot more about my son difficult child than I think I would if I had not had a difficult child mother. I saw her life. I lived it's horrors. I try to remind myself that she was born in 1946 not 2002 like my son. She was born to uneducated, poor, immigrant parents. Schools and the medical community did not address these issues. My son has two educated parents that are able to get him help in many ways. I try to remind myself of these things yet I know that mental illness and addiction are hard to overcome no matter what the circumstances. </p><p></p><p>Some days I fantasize about having both my difficult child son and mother in the same room. I think about what that would be like. The two people that I love that have made my life the challenge that it is. </p><p></p><p>I tell myself that I was put in their lives for a reason. I hope I live long enough to see a happier outcome for my son. I wish that I had been able to help my mother more.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="firehorsewoman, post: 536508"] Recoveringenabler I can for sure relate to your story about illness as a child. My difficult child mother would make us clean up our own vomit even when my sisters and I were very young children. She would become angry when we were sick or injured. When I broke my arm at twelve she left me at school despite the nurse calling her numerous times. I walked home the two miles carrying my books after spending the entire day in the nurse's office. Once she returned home she said that she didn't believe that my arm was broken. I cried myself to sleep that night only to awaken the next day with black fingers due to the decrease in circulation secondary to the fracture. By the time she took me to a doctor the arm was so swollen that it couldn't be put in a cast. Like you, I didn't learn the proper maternal response to childhood illness or injury until years later when I witnessed my friend's mother's and their responses. You speak of resilience...and my friends tell me similar. Just a few days ago a colleague asked me a question....I cannot remember exactly what now...something that was a normal question for a person raised in a traditional family but one that produced an answer that shocked him and caused him to tell me, "If you survived that, and did so well for yourself, these challenges you are facing now should be easy." On the surface this seems to be true. My life is much better and safer now than it was for the first 30 years of my life. But isn't it possible that resilient people finally run out of gas? I think so. That is how I feel. The fight in me is gone for the most part. The me 25 years ago had it very hard but then I was truly resilient. I do not feel that way anymore. On a separate note regarding being sandwiched between two difficult child generations, I worry a lot more about my son difficult child than I think I would if I had not had a difficult child mother. I saw her life. I lived it's horrors. I try to remind myself that she was born in 1946 not 2002 like my son. She was born to uneducated, poor, immigrant parents. Schools and the medical community did not address these issues. My son has two educated parents that are able to get him help in many ways. I try to remind myself of these things yet I know that mental illness and addiction are hard to overcome no matter what the circumstances. Some days I fantasize about having both my difficult child son and mother in the same room. I think about what that would be like. The two people that I love that have made my life the challenge that it is. I tell myself that I was put in their lives for a reason. I hope I live long enough to see a happier outcome for my son. I wish that I had been able to help my mother more. [/QUOTE]
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