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Caught between two difficult child generations
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 536556" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>FHW, your post reminded me of a discussion I was recently having with my therapist about disappointment. How my own profound disappointment in my childhood was the hook which kept me stuck in codependency and enabling with children, and more recently with my granddaughter. She helped me see that I needed to mourn my own disappointment, which I've done a lot of, and to recognize the difference between what my granddaughter is feeling, perhaps a small disappointment that is part of growing up and how different that is from my own depth of sorrow from my own childhood. I think when we have children, our wounds sometimes get mixed up and we can't always distinguish their needs/pain etc. from our own. Your daughter likely really feels loved by you and knows how much you miss her when she is not with you. Her emotional body is filled up and nurtured, you gave her that. Your emotional body may not be filled up and nurtured and your reaction could be from that part of you. Her response may not have been so coldhearted as it was just an offhanded remark made by a 10 year old who knows she is loved. It may have more to do with your wounds and hurts with your mom and how cold she was to you. </p><p></p><p>For me those kinds of observations that pop up, like this has for you, are an opportunity to heal that part of us. I would look at that as the next step to work on. If you are in therapy, you might mention that to your therapist. If not, keep open and keep reading your books, and certainly, allow the feelings to surface if that feels safe. My belief is that feeling those old feelings frees us to be in the present, not continually reliving the past. Great observation by the way, and connecting it to the process you're in is another step in the right direction. I look at those as 'clues'....... intuitive directional arrows pointing you to the truth and to freedom. Good job. </p><p></p><p>For me, it's like I had to empty myself of the past, the sorrows, the beliefs I held that were not real, the hurts and disappointments. And then I was empty and a new self began to birth itself. It's a helluva ride, but absolutely worth taking. Keep following the clues..................</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 536556, member: 13542"] FHW, your post reminded me of a discussion I was recently having with my therapist about disappointment. How my own profound disappointment in my childhood was the hook which kept me stuck in codependency and enabling with children, and more recently with my granddaughter. She helped me see that I needed to mourn my own disappointment, which I've done a lot of, and to recognize the difference between what my granddaughter is feeling, perhaps a small disappointment that is part of growing up and how different that is from my own depth of sorrow from my own childhood. I think when we have children, our wounds sometimes get mixed up and we can't always distinguish their needs/pain etc. from our own. Your daughter likely really feels loved by you and knows how much you miss her when she is not with you. Her emotional body is filled up and nurtured, you gave her that. Your emotional body may not be filled up and nurtured and your reaction could be from that part of you. Her response may not have been so coldhearted as it was just an offhanded remark made by a 10 year old who knows she is loved. It may have more to do with your wounds and hurts with your mom and how cold she was to you. For me those kinds of observations that pop up, like this has for you, are an opportunity to heal that part of us. I would look at that as the next step to work on. If you are in therapy, you might mention that to your therapist. If not, keep open and keep reading your books, and certainly, allow the feelings to surface if that feels safe. My belief is that feeling those old feelings frees us to be in the present, not continually reliving the past. Great observation by the way, and connecting it to the process you're in is another step in the right direction. I look at those as 'clues'....... intuitive directional arrows pointing you to the truth and to freedom. Good job. For me, it's like I had to empty myself of the past, the sorrows, the beliefs I held that were not real, the hurts and disappointments. And then I was empty and a new self began to birth itself. It's a helluva ride, but absolutely worth taking. Keep following the clues.................. [/QUOTE]
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Caught between two difficult child generations
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