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Caught Teen Using Drugs - Help
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 718024" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>My daughter moved on to meth and coke, but quit. We were never soft on her. The car and our willingness to risk her life and that of others on the road went first. Allowance followed. Called the cops on her at 15, her first probation. She was not "just experimenting" but we thought she was because we wanted to think so. Still, we turned her in for pot as it was illegal and we didnt do illegal in our home. She was given parole. It didnt work, but she was a l9t more careful at home.</p><p></p><p>At 19 we found her having a pill party in our home and we had two younger kids. That did it. We made her leave and gave her no money and certainly no car. She begged her straight arrow brother to let her live in his basement and he did, but he was even stricter thsn us. If she lit up one cigarette she would have been on the street and knew it so she quit that and eventually all else. She walked in cold Chicago weather to and from work, got promoted, helped clean and cook at home (he had roommates with legally rented rooms in his house) and she had to pay rent and keep quiet so as not to wake anyone. Many more rules than at our house. </p><p></p><p>She did all that he demanded of her, aware that one infraction meant the street.</p><p></p><p>Eventually she met her boyfriend that she is still with, took out a loan to go back to school for a certificate, got a job and they bought a house together and much later gave me a beautiful grandbaby.</p><p></p><p>She swears being strict made it too hard for her to use drugs and she turned her life around. I am especially puzzled when parents not only allow drug users to drive, but pay for them to do so.That I feel is negligent on our parts...like playing with the lives of our kids and innocent strangers because we feel bad or because it is more convenient if we dont.have to drive them. Never get allowing them to drive iur cars when we know they get intoxicated.</p><p></p><p>Daughter walked. She didnt die of it, but could have died driving or using drugs or both. </p><p></p><p>My daughter quit meth and coke (which I thought was just pot until faced with it) twelve years ago. I dont think it would have happened if we hadnt let her know there was no tolerance for that in our house at all...and that her brother was even stricter.</p><p></p><p>Sure, we gave her second chances and thirds (but never with the car) and she disappointed each time we got soft.it is my belief that although all kids are different, your best shot is to take a strong "not under my roof or you get nothing from us but food" stance early on. It wont work for all, but the odds are better than the "I cant be tough on my baby even for drugs" method. Or the "he said he quit two days ago so Im giving him everything back" method. It took us two sober years to trust daughter.</p><p></p><p>Was this easy? It about killed me. I didnt sleep. I cried. But now she is safe and tells me I did it right (not what she said at the time).</p><p></p><p>You have no idea what your son may be using, as i did not know about Daughter. You want to do all you can to make any drug use so hellish for him that he wonders why he is even doing it.</p><p></p><p>Take the car first. </p><p></p><p>Make him get a job for his other toys. My daughter always had a job, even high. I wouldnt fund her drug abuse, even when I thought it was pot snd nothing else. Without a car, she still managed to get to work with friends and biking and she developed a lovely work ethic. She did graduate high school although she cut classes a lot. What a headache just remembering. She refused all therapy/help.</p><p></p><p>This is hard stuff, but I have never been sorry we cracked down on her and I am very close to her now.</p><p></p><p>Just my experience and opinion.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 718024, member: 1550"] My daughter moved on to meth and coke, but quit. We were never soft on her. The car and our willingness to risk her life and that of others on the road went first. Allowance followed. Called the cops on her at 15, her first probation. She was not "just experimenting" but we thought she was because we wanted to think so. Still, we turned her in for pot as it was illegal and we didnt do illegal in our home. She was given parole. It didnt work, but she was a l9t more careful at home. At 19 we found her having a pill party in our home and we had two younger kids. That did it. We made her leave and gave her no money and certainly no car. She begged her straight arrow brother to let her live in his basement and he did, but he was even stricter thsn us. If she lit up one cigarette she would have been on the street and knew it so she quit that and eventually all else. She walked in cold Chicago weather to and from work, got promoted, helped clean and cook at home (he had roommates with legally rented rooms in his house) and she had to pay rent and keep quiet so as not to wake anyone. Many more rules than at our house. She did all that he demanded of her, aware that one infraction meant the street. Eventually she met her boyfriend that she is still with, took out a loan to go back to school for a certificate, got a job and they bought a house together and much later gave me a beautiful grandbaby. She swears being strict made it too hard for her to use drugs and she turned her life around. I am especially puzzled when parents not only allow drug users to drive, but pay for them to do so.That I feel is negligent on our parts...like playing with the lives of our kids and innocent strangers because we feel bad or because it is more convenient if we dont.have to drive them. Never get allowing them to drive iur cars when we know they get intoxicated. Daughter walked. She didnt die of it, but could have died driving or using drugs or both. My daughter quit meth and coke (which I thought was just pot until faced with it) twelve years ago. I dont think it would have happened if we hadnt let her know there was no tolerance for that in our house at all...and that her brother was even stricter. Sure, we gave her second chances and thirds (but never with the car) and she disappointed each time we got soft.it is my belief that although all kids are different, your best shot is to take a strong "not under my roof or you get nothing from us but food" stance early on. It wont work for all, but the odds are better than the "I cant be tough on my baby even for drugs" method. Or the "he said he quit two days ago so Im giving him everything back" method. It took us two sober years to trust daughter. Was this easy? It about killed me. I didnt sleep. I cried. But now she is safe and tells me I did it right (not what she said at the time). You have no idea what your son may be using, as i did not know about Daughter. You want to do all you can to make any drug use so hellish for him that he wonders why he is even doing it. Take the car first. Make him get a job for his other toys. My daughter always had a job, even high. I wouldnt fund her drug abuse, even when I thought it was pot snd nothing else. Without a car, she still managed to get to work with friends and biking and she developed a lovely work ethic. She did graduate high school although she cut classes a lot. What a headache just remembering. She refused all therapy/help. This is hard stuff, but I have never been sorry we cracked down on her and I am very close to her now. Just my experience and opinion. [/QUOTE]
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