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Substance Abuse
Cel phone... enabling or controlling?
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 519582" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>I am struggling with this issue right now. difficult child is on our family plan too but it is still costing about $90 a month which is a lot of money when you figure the unlimited text and data plan and line charge and insurance and taxes. I want to tell her to transfer the number to her own plan and get it off our family plan so we no longer pay for it, but I know it is for spite and because I am angry that we are paying for it and she is using it to talk to her druggie friends. Taking her phone away will not stop her from using, it will just make her more angry and give her a reason to blame us for her problems so I wait. She is going to crash and burn very soon, she has $600 in the bank, has to pay $500 rent in three days and the rest has to last her until two weeks when she gets her pay. She has not paid one bill since moving in a month ago and the gas and electric company doesn't care that she spent her money on drugs. She has a dog and cat to feed and herself and gas to put in her car and cigarettes to buy and she is getting internet service installed today. Besides she has to get new registration and plates for her car and have the old rusted plates drilled off and all this done in two weeks. I don't know what world she's living in but it's not the real world.</p><p></p><p>Getting back to you, I don't think you should take his phone away just now. Don't check his records, it will just annoy you. I know it's easier said than done but I have actually stopped looking at my difficult child's phone calls and texts. He should not be texting anyone, he should be working the program. The fact that he is sitting around texting all kinds of numbers does not sound good. Who could these people be and what could he be texting about? Surely not when the next AA meeting is. So if he is texting all kinds of numbers he's looking to score or a place to run to.</p><p></p><p>I hate to say this TL but I think you are going to have to sit back and wait for him to do whatever it is he is going to do. He is acting just like my difficult child. I have had to finally realize there is nothing I can say, nothing I can do, that will stop her from doing what she wants to do and ruining her life. It's why I stopped all communication with her. There is nothing to talk about. I don't want to see her or go to lunch with her or have her over for Easter dinner or talk to her on the phone or look at her facebook because nothing I say or do will change anything. I have no power and she has all the power in the world to ruin her life which she is doing.</p><p></p><p>You won't feel better for taking his cell phone away and it won't stop him from doing what he wants to do. You gave him the conditions for continuing to help him and he has to abide by them. You are in a waiting game and it's so very hard. I too am wakingup in the middle of the night and having very real dreams of her and drugs and arrests and so many horrible things. They are not dreams, they are real fears being played out in my head while I'm sleeping.</p><p></p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 519582, member: 59"] I am struggling with this issue right now. difficult child is on our family plan too but it is still costing about $90 a month which is a lot of money when you figure the unlimited text and data plan and line charge and insurance and taxes. I want to tell her to transfer the number to her own plan and get it off our family plan so we no longer pay for it, but I know it is for spite and because I am angry that we are paying for it and she is using it to talk to her druggie friends. Taking her phone away will not stop her from using, it will just make her more angry and give her a reason to blame us for her problems so I wait. She is going to crash and burn very soon, she has $600 in the bank, has to pay $500 rent in three days and the rest has to last her until two weeks when she gets her pay. She has not paid one bill since moving in a month ago and the gas and electric company doesn't care that she spent her money on drugs. She has a dog and cat to feed and herself and gas to put in her car and cigarettes to buy and she is getting internet service installed today. Besides she has to get new registration and plates for her car and have the old rusted plates drilled off and all this done in two weeks. I don't know what world she's living in but it's not the real world. Getting back to you, I don't think you should take his phone away just now. Don't check his records, it will just annoy you. I know it's easier said than done but I have actually stopped looking at my difficult child's phone calls and texts. He should not be texting anyone, he should be working the program. The fact that he is sitting around texting all kinds of numbers does not sound good. Who could these people be and what could he be texting about? Surely not when the next AA meeting is. So if he is texting all kinds of numbers he's looking to score or a place to run to. I hate to say this TL but I think you are going to have to sit back and wait for him to do whatever it is he is going to do. He is acting just like my difficult child. I have had to finally realize there is nothing I can say, nothing I can do, that will stop her from doing what she wants to do and ruining her life. It's why I stopped all communication with her. There is nothing to talk about. I don't want to see her or go to lunch with her or have her over for Easter dinner or talk to her on the phone or look at her facebook because nothing I say or do will change anything. I have no power and she has all the power in the world to ruin her life which she is doing. You won't feel better for taking his cell phone away and it won't stop him from doing what he wants to do. You gave him the conditions for continuing to help him and he has to abide by them. You are in a waiting game and it's so very hard. I too am wakingup in the middle of the night and having very real dreams of her and drugs and arrests and so many horrible things. They are not dreams, they are real fears being played out in my head while I'm sleeping. Nancy [/QUOTE]
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Cel phone... enabling or controlling?
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