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<blockquote data-quote="exhausted" data-source="post: 425674" data-attributes="member: 11001"><p>Wow- thanks for all the replies and sharing. I was truely wondering if I was an ungreatful disaster and alone in this feeling, never discussed this with anyone. Yes-I do know my difficult child was given to me because my higher power knew I could handle her(some very spooky things have come to me in dreams about that) Yes-I am so glad I didn't loose it with the boy in my choir the other day. I love those kids (truely), and value that they feel good enough to come and share with me- I would die if that ended! I pride myself on being a responsive and compassionate teacher.... human being in general.</p><p>I have grieved and then I feel good and then difficult child gets another placement or diagnosis or, or, or and grieving happens again in a new way. This despite me knowing what is going to happen. The jealousy caught me off guard because I am just so practical and tend not to ever<strong> wallow in selfpity.</strong> My logical brain tells myself to stop it and to look at the blessing (we all have feet, arms, and legs here), but my emotional brain is getting the best of me. Got to hook the two together again.</p><p> </p><p>Marg-boy do I agree that we have to speak out. I am a huge difficult child advocate at my school because I think as long as we hang our heads in shame and hide our laundry, the stigma of mental illness continues. This causes problems beyond belief. Insurance companies continue to fund mental health differently (and underfund is the usual order), schools continue to half deal with our kids' needs, we loose "friends" because we are just too different or can't always attend functions, the world continues to blame our parenting, our jails fill up and on and on. <strong>We have no right to be silent.</strong> </p><p> </p><p>I just can't do the Facebook post yet that says- " Oh happy day and congradulations to my daughter the difficult child, she was just accepted into the <strong>Intensive Residential Dialectical Behavior Therapy Unit.</strong> We will be seeing her only 2 hours a week!" Do I feel as if it is a happy day? Heck yes! I'm over joyed she is getting this (only 16 beds in the entire state-we are blessed) Can I call it out to the world-not yet. Thanks for sharing all of you, it means the world to me!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="exhausted, post: 425674, member: 11001"] Wow- thanks for all the replies and sharing. I was truely wondering if I was an ungreatful disaster and alone in this feeling, never discussed this with anyone. Yes-I do know my difficult child was given to me because my higher power knew I could handle her(some very spooky things have come to me in dreams about that) Yes-I am so glad I didn't loose it with the boy in my choir the other day. I love those kids (truely), and value that they feel good enough to come and share with me- I would die if that ended! I pride myself on being a responsive and compassionate teacher.... human being in general. I have grieved and then I feel good and then difficult child gets another placement or diagnosis or, or, or and grieving happens again in a new way. This despite me knowing what is going to happen. The jealousy caught me off guard because I am just so practical and tend not to ever[B] wallow in selfpity.[/B] My logical brain tells myself to stop it and to look at the blessing (we all have feet, arms, and legs here), but my emotional brain is getting the best of me. Got to hook the two together again. Marg-boy do I agree that we have to speak out. I am a huge difficult child advocate at my school because I think as long as we hang our heads in shame and hide our laundry, the stigma of mental illness continues. This causes problems beyond belief. Insurance companies continue to fund mental health differently (and underfund is the usual order), schools continue to half deal with our kids' needs, we loose "friends" because we are just too different or can't always attend functions, the world continues to blame our parenting, our jails fill up and on and on. [B]We have no right to be silent.[/B] I just can't do the Facebook post yet that says- " Oh happy day and congradulations to my daughter the difficult child, she was just accepted into the [B]Intensive Residential Dialectical Behavior Therapy Unit.[/B] We will be seeing her only 2 hours a week!" Do I feel as if it is a happy day? Heck yes! I'm over joyed she is getting this (only 16 beds in the entire state-we are blessed) Can I call it out to the world-not yet. Thanks for sharing all of you, it means the world to me! [/QUOTE]
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