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Child envy
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 426563" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Can I throw in something here to put things into a bit of perspective? On Saturday, the day before Mothers Day, I went to a funeral. The young woman being buried was the daughter of a friend of mine. The mother is in her 80s, old, blind and physically frail. The daughter was a flash of energy always, travelling around the world lecturing but when back home, living on her mother's property. Living a healthy, vegetarian lifestyle, an activist for environmental and feminist rights like her mother.</p><p></p><p>She had been ill for some months but had not wanted to worry her mother. She HAD been seeing doctors, but when they diagnosed ovarian cancer, it was far too late for anything but making her comfortable enough to fly back home. Her mother, in her mid-60s, managed to fly across the world to her daughter alone, despite her blindness and age. One tough lady! </p><p></p><p>For the daughter, the effort to return back to this country was too much for her, she went into hospital on her return and never came home. She died a few weeks later and frankly, her death at last was a release.</p><p></p><p>But this woman, who loved her daughter and relied on her, had to bury her the day before Mothers Day. I don't know who was with her on Mothers Day, I hope someone was. But I cannot conceive the sense of loss and pain she must be feeling.</p><p></p><p>Our children are not always as capable of the same involvement as others. However, what involvement we do get form them, surely it is more valuable to us for its rarity? When I get an unexpected hug from difficult child 3, it is gold because it is spontaneous and against his usual nature. It means he made an effort for me, even if in others, it would be effortless and unthought of.</p><p></p><p>We need to change our expectations and our values, so we can appreciate what we do have. We won't always have it.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 426563, member: 1991"] Can I throw in something here to put things into a bit of perspective? On Saturday, the day before Mothers Day, I went to a funeral. The young woman being buried was the daughter of a friend of mine. The mother is in her 80s, old, blind and physically frail. The daughter was a flash of energy always, travelling around the world lecturing but when back home, living on her mother's property. Living a healthy, vegetarian lifestyle, an activist for environmental and feminist rights like her mother. She had been ill for some months but had not wanted to worry her mother. She HAD been seeing doctors, but when they diagnosed ovarian cancer, it was far too late for anything but making her comfortable enough to fly back home. Her mother, in her mid-60s, managed to fly across the world to her daughter alone, despite her blindness and age. One tough lady! For the daughter, the effort to return back to this country was too much for her, she went into hospital on her return and never came home. She died a few weeks later and frankly, her death at last was a release. But this woman, who loved her daughter and relied on her, had to bury her the day before Mothers Day. I don't know who was with her on Mothers Day, I hope someone was. But I cannot conceive the sense of loss and pain she must be feeling. Our children are not always as capable of the same involvement as others. However, what involvement we do get form them, surely it is more valuable to us for its rarity? When I get an unexpected hug from difficult child 3, it is gold because it is spontaneous and against his usual nature. It means he made an effort for me, even if in others, it would be effortless and unthought of. We need to change our expectations and our values, so we can appreciate what we do have. We won't always have it. Marg [/QUOTE]
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