Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Choosing which parent to live with.ing a descripti
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="coalminer1235" data-source="post: 99509" data-attributes="member: 4339"><p>I should probably add more info about her dad. Of course we always assume he is still abusing meth or at a minimum alcohol/marijuana, but I don't believe this is the reason for his dropping off the radar at times. He simply never says no to her and his alternative to saying no is to say yes over the phone then avoid contact for a few days until she forgets. Unfortunately she blames my wife before conveniently forgetting, putting us through the ringer. It's especially hard to sit and watch a kid for hours crying in the window looking at the street, hitting redial constantly, pausing only to yell blame at her mom all the while knowing that the moment he chooses to show up all will be forgiven and he'll be SuperDad again while my wife and I remain firmly in the Evil category.</p><p></p><p>I don't think there is any doubt that he really does care about her, he just lacks anything approaching parenting skills and sets no boundaries for her (or his) behavior. He is unable to put any of his children ahead of himself. One aspect that my wife (who obviously knows him better than I do) adds is that the responsibility of caring for his daughter could actually be a motivator for him to make some changes to his life about the way he treats his kids. Is it worth risking her future to take that chance? Which one of you has the manual with the correct answers at the back of the book?</p><p></p><p>Meowbunny asked an important question: what does my wife want? About a year or so ago one of our older girls attempted to run away at 15. She was comically unsuccessful, but in looking for a way to deal with it we decided that my wife would become a stay at home mom until we got over this hump. That daughter has made a complete turnaround and has mostly normal teenage issues now. The downside is that my wife, who has worked most of her adult life is going stir crazy at home, add in an extremely difficult child and you can see where this is going. We only half joke when we kid each other about asking our Dr. to medicate us through this. She's tired, I'm tired, we can see the light at the end of the tunnel as the two 16 3/4 year olds get nearer leaving, we are just worn out at this point. </p><p></p><p>Ok, I mostly avoided the question there. In my view my wife is ashamed of herself when she considers sending difficult child to her dad and feels that doing this means she is a failure as a mom. At the same time she is bone tired from being battered by what can only be described as a series of tsunami waves, each a little bigger than the preceding one and the last a wave of truly monstrous proportions. I think she just wants a break from it and the need for relief slowly increases casting more and more shade on the shame of feeling like a failure. Ironically, she is one of the best and most caring moms I have ever known, she just had the deck stacked against her by starting the journey with a nonparticipating partner (an experience we have in common and which has helped draw us closer together.) The last thing she need ever do is be ashamed of her actions as a mom.</p><p></p><p>As I write this we are experiencing one of those rare moments. difficult child is making cookies for us and it's almost like a Norman Rockwell painting in the kitchen. Except that the rest of us can't quite enjoy it because like rats who get randomly shocked when they reach for cheese, we sit trying to remain calm and enjoy the moment while waiting for the next inevitable jolt to hit us.</p><p></p><p>I really appreciate the answers and the existence of this forum. I'm more than a little surprised at how much it is helping me just to get this out in writing. </p><p></p><p>griznog</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="coalminer1235, post: 99509, member: 4339"] I should probably add more info about her dad. Of course we always assume he is still abusing meth or at a minimum alcohol/marijuana, but I don't believe this is the reason for his dropping off the radar at times. He simply never says no to her and his alternative to saying no is to say yes over the phone then avoid contact for a few days until she forgets. Unfortunately she blames my wife before conveniently forgetting, putting us through the ringer. It's especially hard to sit and watch a kid for hours crying in the window looking at the street, hitting redial constantly, pausing only to yell blame at her mom all the while knowing that the moment he chooses to show up all will be forgiven and he'll be SuperDad again while my wife and I remain firmly in the Evil category. I don't think there is any doubt that he really does care about her, he just lacks anything approaching parenting skills and sets no boundaries for her (or his) behavior. He is unable to put any of his children ahead of himself. One aspect that my wife (who obviously knows him better than I do) adds is that the responsibility of caring for his daughter could actually be a motivator for him to make some changes to his life about the way he treats his kids. Is it worth risking her future to take that chance? Which one of you has the manual with the correct answers at the back of the book? Meowbunny asked an important question: what does my wife want? About a year or so ago one of our older girls attempted to run away at 15. She was comically unsuccessful, but in looking for a way to deal with it we decided that my wife would become a stay at home mom until we got over this hump. That daughter has made a complete turnaround and has mostly normal teenage issues now. The downside is that my wife, who has worked most of her adult life is going stir crazy at home, add in an extremely difficult child and you can see where this is going. We only half joke when we kid each other about asking our Dr. to medicate us through this. She's tired, I'm tired, we can see the light at the end of the tunnel as the two 16 3/4 year olds get nearer leaving, we are just worn out at this point. Ok, I mostly avoided the question there. In my view my wife is ashamed of herself when she considers sending difficult child to her dad and feels that doing this means she is a failure as a mom. At the same time she is bone tired from being battered by what can only be described as a series of tsunami waves, each a little bigger than the preceding one and the last a wave of truly monstrous proportions. I think she just wants a break from it and the need for relief slowly increases casting more and more shade on the shame of feeling like a failure. Ironically, she is one of the best and most caring moms I have ever known, she just had the deck stacked against her by starting the journey with a nonparticipating partner (an experience we have in common and which has helped draw us closer together.) The last thing she need ever do is be ashamed of her actions as a mom. As I write this we are experiencing one of those rare moments. difficult child is making cookies for us and it's almost like a Norman Rockwell painting in the kitchen. Except that the rest of us can't quite enjoy it because like rats who get randomly shocked when they reach for cheese, we sit trying to remain calm and enjoy the moment while waiting for the next inevitable jolt to hit us. I really appreciate the answers and the existence of this forum. I'm more than a little surprised at how much it is helping me just to get this out in writing. griznog [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Choosing which parent to live with.ing a descripti
Top