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<blockquote data-quote="rebelson" data-source="post: 695648" data-attributes="member: 19966"><p>I was googling 'enmeshment' and this video site popped up. The title: "<em><strong>Codependency"</strong></em>...grabbed me!</p><p></p><p><a href="https://tv.newlife.com/#/videos/codependency-213?_k=19131k" target="_blank">https://tv.newlife.com/#/videos/codependency-213?_k=19131k</a></p><p></p><p>I did not know, initially, that it is (mildly) faith-based, but I took away some really good tips and confirmation that what I need to do for my son now, to completely STOP enabling him in every way, is key. Key for me and most importantly, key for HIM. His future. Below are some actual quotes from the video. It is worth the 22 minutes.</p><p></p><p>It is all good, minute 16 and on, is key advice for those who are giving monetary help to active addicts.</p><p></p><p><em>"Look for the painful thing that you need to do, look for it! what is it? what are you doing that's not </em></p><p><em>painful, and if you quit doing it, it would be painful - maybe that's where you need to start." </em></p><p></p><p>This ^^^ is a great 'visual' for me. Look for my weaknesses re: enabling son and know then, that I need to NOT do said thing/s.</p><p></p><p><em>"Reality consequences are what grow people up....stop interrupting the process."</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>"Yeah, you can control and do all this..and be angry, but over here on the other side, when you give that up (enabling), there's a totally different world that may be waiting for you and the person with the problem." </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>"A very powerful question that codependents need to ask themselves is: where <u>am</u> I going to draw the line?" </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>"If you'll draw the line and then you'll stick with it, all of a sudden, you'll have feelings, you'll feel alone or guilty or bad, but deal with those feelings in healthy ways."</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>"<em>If you can handle the feeling of guilt and the feeling of grief, you are halfway there. The guilt is 'gosh, they'll be suffering, they'll lose a job, but they are grown up, they've got to do this to grow up. And the feeling of grief...'I can't fix them, I can't control them, all my love won't change them and make them stop drinking.' Those 2 feelings (guilt and grief) will get you halfway there." </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>"Many people don't see themselves as codependents, they see themselves as helpful." </em></p><p><em></em></p><p>This book was mentioned in the video, has anyone read it? It's a Best Seller on amazon.</p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 22px"><strong>Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life</strong></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 22px"></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rebelson, post: 695648, member: 19966"] I was googling 'enmeshment' and this video site popped up. The title: "[I][B]Codependency"[/B][/I]...grabbed me! [URL]https://tv.newlife.com/#/videos/codependency-213?_k=19131k[/URL] I did not know, initially, that it is (mildly) faith-based, but I took away some really good tips and confirmation that what I need to do for my son now, to completely STOP enabling him in every way, is key. Key for me and most importantly, key for HIM. His future. Below are some actual quotes from the video. It is worth the 22 minutes. It is all good, minute 16 and on, is key advice for those who are giving monetary help to active addicts. [I]"Look for the painful thing that you need to do, look for it! what is it? what are you doing that's not painful, and if you quit doing it, it would be painful - maybe that's where you need to start." [/I] This ^^^ is a great 'visual' for me. Look for my weaknesses re: enabling son and know then, that I need to NOT do said thing/s. [I]"Reality consequences are what grow people up....stop interrupting the process." "Yeah, you can control and do all this..and be angry, but over here on the other side, when you give that up (enabling), there's a totally different world that may be waiting for you and the person with the problem." "A very powerful question that codependents need to ask themselves is: where [U]am[/U] I going to draw the line?" "If you'll draw the line and then you'll stick with it, all of a sudden, you'll have feelings, you'll feel alone or guilty or bad, but deal with those feelings in healthy ways." [/I] "[I]If you can handle the feeling of guilt and the feeling of grief, you are halfway there. The guilt is 'gosh, they'll be suffering, they'll lose a job, but they are grown up, they've got to do this to grow up. And the feeling of grief...'I can't fix them, I can't control them, all my love won't change them and make them stop drinking.' Those 2 feelings (guilt and grief) will get you halfway there." "Many people don't see themselves as codependents, they see themselves as helpful." [/I] This book was mentioned in the video, has anyone read it? It's a Best Seller on amazon. [SIZE=6][B]Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life[/B] [/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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