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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 286125" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Hi Jo,</p><p>Oh, I hear you! As an artist and writer whose energy high hits between 4 p.m. and midnight, I've had to make huge accommodations for my family. I've always gotten up around 7 or 8 a.m., but with-o kids, you can get up and start working immediately doing stuff around the house.</p><p>With kids, everything gets put on hold because their needs come first.</p><p>Also, my husband is a workaholic (getting better, though) and I didn't have help from him for a long time.</p><p>One thing I do, is decide b4 I go to bed whether or not to shower at night or in the a.m. That little routine can change my whole schedule. </p><p>I also figure out whether there is enough cereal and juice for the a.m, and if not, what I may have to cook for breakfast.</p><p>I also go through my difficult child's backpack when he gets home from school. I'm horrid at remembering that sort of thing and he takes full advantage of it! </p><p>We have a calendar on the kitchen door that is a wipe-off type and we make sure that everyone's schedules are on it.</p><p> </p><p>In regard to mapping out a schedule, as an Aspie, your son will not be interested in helping you do much of anything, even if it is in his own best interest. He is interested only in what he's interested in. Period. In my son's case, it's video games/PS2, and sports.</p><p>What does your son like to do?</p><p>It sounds manipulative, but you have to use whatever he's interested in as a tool to get him to do other things. Some day, when he's middle aged, he'll "get it" but not right now. He's still learning.</p><p> </p><p>What sort of thyroid medications is he on? Is he low or high? </p><p> </p><p>It's interesting that he has attachment issues ... I wonder how much of that is Aspie and how much is really attachment. Statistically, if kids are adopted under 6 mo's of age, they do pretty well. </p><p>I view my son's attitude and emotions sort of like a cat. He comes to me when HE feels like it. It doesn't occur to him to apologize if he's hurt me (although he is learning, for ex., when he laughed at me when I smacked my head on a cupboard door, and I roared at him that he was insensitive, so the next time I got hurt, he asked if I was okay, more because he didn't want to get yelled at. But as I said, he's learning), or to hug me because I need it. He does things because he's in the mood. So in regard to attachment, if he doesn't say he loves you, I wouldn't worry about it. I would pay more attention to whether he hangs on you in a strange situation, because you are his protector, for example. </p><p> </p><p>Do you talk about it in therapy? Has he asked about his bmom? </p><p> </p><p>My son did very well with-the routine at the psychiatric hospital, too, but you know, that's not "real life," LOL! One thing he hates is when I call across the room to him, especially if it's a command for a chore, even in a nice voice. He flips out like a maniac. When I write down the same exact thing and hand it to him, he's fine. </p><p>It's taken me yrs to learn these things!</p><p> </p><p>Also, one thing my son does is call everyone a liar, incl. his best friend. If I say I'm going to do XYZ, and change one little thing, he calls me a liar. I have to be very careful to explain to him that I am not making any promises, just that I am making plans and hope that they don't fall through. I also used expressions like, "It's not carved in stone, so don't hold me to it," which, unbeknownst to me, meant nothing to him ... just when I thought I was making progress. I catch myself every day.</p><p> </p><p>It's a lot of work.</p><p> </p><p>Amazing that your husband is Aspie. Wow. Quite a revelation.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 286125, member: 3419"] Hi Jo, Oh, I hear you! As an artist and writer whose energy high hits between 4 p.m. and midnight, I've had to make huge accommodations for my family. I've always gotten up around 7 or 8 a.m., but with-o kids, you can get up and start working immediately doing stuff around the house. With kids, everything gets put on hold because their needs come first. Also, my husband is a workaholic (getting better, though) and I didn't have help from him for a long time. One thing I do, is decide b4 I go to bed whether or not to shower at night or in the a.m. That little routine can change my whole schedule. I also figure out whether there is enough cereal and juice for the a.m, and if not, what I may have to cook for breakfast. I also go through my difficult child's backpack when he gets home from school. I'm horrid at remembering that sort of thing and he takes full advantage of it! We have a calendar on the kitchen door that is a wipe-off type and we make sure that everyone's schedules are on it. In regard to mapping out a schedule, as an Aspie, your son will not be interested in helping you do much of anything, even if it is in his own best interest. He is interested only in what he's interested in. Period. In my son's case, it's video games/PS2, and sports. What does your son like to do? It sounds manipulative, but you have to use whatever he's interested in as a tool to get him to do other things. Some day, when he's middle aged, he'll "get it" but not right now. He's still learning. What sort of thyroid medications is he on? Is he low or high? It's interesting that he has attachment issues ... I wonder how much of that is Aspie and how much is really attachment. Statistically, if kids are adopted under 6 mo's of age, they do pretty well. I view my son's attitude and emotions sort of like a cat. He comes to me when HE feels like it. It doesn't occur to him to apologize if he's hurt me (although he is learning, for ex., when he laughed at me when I smacked my head on a cupboard door, and I roared at him that he was insensitive, so the next time I got hurt, he asked if I was okay, more because he didn't want to get yelled at. But as I said, he's learning), or to hug me because I need it. He does things because he's in the mood. So in regard to attachment, if he doesn't say he loves you, I wouldn't worry about it. I would pay more attention to whether he hangs on you in a strange situation, because you are his protector, for example. Do you talk about it in therapy? Has he asked about his bmom? My son did very well with-the routine at the psychiatric hospital, too, but you know, that's not "real life," LOL! One thing he hates is when I call across the room to him, especially if it's a command for a chore, even in a nice voice. He flips out like a maniac. When I write down the same exact thing and hand it to him, he's fine. It's taken me yrs to learn these things! Also, one thing my son does is call everyone a liar, incl. his best friend. If I say I'm going to do XYZ, and change one little thing, he calls me a liar. I have to be very careful to explain to him that I am not making any promises, just that I am making plans and hope that they don't fall through. I also used expressions like, "It's not carved in stone, so don't hold me to it," which, unbeknownst to me, meant nothing to him ... just when I thought I was making progress. I catch myself every day. It's a lot of work. Amazing that your husband is Aspie. Wow. Quite a revelation. [/QUOTE]
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