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Computer help...I think husband is "surfing"
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<blockquote data-quote="mattsmom27" data-source="post: 17887" data-attributes="member: 50"><p>I don't have any advice as I am the type that would want to know, NEED to know, what was going on. However I also understand others comments about not spying on your own husband.</p><p>I have been through this once before in a 3 yr relationship and each and every time I snooped to get to the bottom of it. Each time I would ask him about it, he would deny things and become angry at me as if I betrayed him. I guess he was right, I had betrayed him by spying/snooping at his online activities. I also knew when I started that something was going on that was a betrayal of ME. That fueled my anger/hurt and lead to me doing the spying. Did that justify it? I don't know. I thought so at the time. I no longer am sure.</p><p>What I do know is that while I am glad that I learned that I was being betrayed (this wasnt porn, it was online with real women and a total manufactured world of his own making where I was the star villian, he was the martyr and all of his lies added up to women crooning over him and him looking elsewhere, it was horrible), looking back, I don't think had I known what exactly I had found, I would have probably not snooped to begin with. It was so hurtful to read some of the things that I read, most of it. What he was doing was wrong and destroyed him and I. I am glad I learned his true character. But I do think I would have figured it out on my own without the snooping anyhow and avoided reading some hateful lies about myself and having all the pain associated with that.</p><p>I do want to tell you that I do believe that online contact with real women is devestating to a relationship. It sounds like you've been through that before from what you have said. Perhaps when you have your conversation you should state that you have been through this before and you two have gotten through it and past it, and if that is happening again you want him to be honest with you so that the two of you can work through it again and try to get to the root of what is driving his need to do this? </p><p>Whatever happens, it sounds like you two do very much love each other and are committed to each other. I wish you the best and hope that you can have a productive and honest conversation.</p><p></p><p>Melissa</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mattsmom27, post: 17887, member: 50"] I don't have any advice as I am the type that would want to know, NEED to know, what was going on. However I also understand others comments about not spying on your own husband. I have been through this once before in a 3 yr relationship and each and every time I snooped to get to the bottom of it. Each time I would ask him about it, he would deny things and become angry at me as if I betrayed him. I guess he was right, I had betrayed him by spying/snooping at his online activities. I also knew when I started that something was going on that was a betrayal of ME. That fueled my anger/hurt and lead to me doing the spying. Did that justify it? I don't know. I thought so at the time. I no longer am sure. What I do know is that while I am glad that I learned that I was being betrayed (this wasnt porn, it was online with real women and a total manufactured world of his own making where I was the star villian, he was the martyr and all of his lies added up to women crooning over him and him looking elsewhere, it was horrible), looking back, I don't think had I known what exactly I had found, I would have probably not snooped to begin with. It was so hurtful to read some of the things that I read, most of it. What he was doing was wrong and destroyed him and I. I am glad I learned his true character. But I do think I would have figured it out on my own without the snooping anyhow and avoided reading some hateful lies about myself and having all the pain associated with that. I do want to tell you that I do believe that online contact with real women is devestating to a relationship. It sounds like you've been through that before from what you have said. Perhaps when you have your conversation you should state that you have been through this before and you two have gotten through it and past it, and if that is happening again you want him to be honest with you so that the two of you can work through it again and try to get to the root of what is driving his need to do this? Whatever happens, it sounds like you two do very much love each other and are committed to each other. I wish you the best and hope that you can have a productive and honest conversation. Melissa [/QUOTE]
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Computer help...I think husband is "surfing"
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